Finding Love

My good friend of a few months has fallen in love. I met him during our interviews and as it is with people cornered together, afraid of the same impending fate, we grew to like each other. Over the next two days when we had nothing really to do we discussed our love lives and life philosophies and our plans for the future. That is when he told me of his pains and how they had visited on him all at once. But now all is anew. He has found love and he is to be married soon. It is amazing how this guy does it. Knows her for merely 14 days and he proposed to her. She accepts and a court marriage is on the cards. Some people have all the luck.

I am not saying what he did was right or that the marriage will be a successful one but it has the feeling of a miracle to it. This is something that you read in stories. Where cupid strikes and all is then lost. The lovers are fated to meet and be together for life. Makes me remember those dreams and desires I have pushed away to the corners of my mind.

And here I am, in a city far away from his. Looking or perhaps just hoping for the same kind of love. They told me that it would be difficult but then the told me that it would not rain here either. People have a tendency to be wrong, more a general inclination to be wrong. So I sigh and get on with my life. Hope is not always a wonderful thing. It is like a Facebook page where you are afraid to push the "Add as Friend" button. So many more important things to do than this. Or is this the most important of them all?

These rains are making my brains go soft.

Later

And it all starts

The classes will starts soon and we are already being made aware of the hell that we will have to face one once they do. "Time is sacrosanct" they say. But really I miss my people.

I don't know whether to feel elated or to dejected. I am here. Doing exactly what I have been thinking about up until now. Yet I have the feeling of melancholy. I used to wonder what the word really means . Now I think I understand how it feels.

There is a fear that I will not measure up to the standards. Not the standards of the college - those are a different concern, I mean the standards and expectations that I have of myself once I am here. The things that I wish to learn and the things that I wish to do. The person I want to become. All this haunts me even as I write this piece.

I started cleaning my room today. I say this with great emphasis because I have never ventured towards any activity remotely close to it. I bought wipes and cleaning liquid from the mall and cleaned my laptop. These are crazy things if you view it from my side of the lens. I have never done such things or cared for them. And doing them will not really change much but I believe it is a declaration to myself. That things will be different now. That I will not push those boundaries which till now I had left to chance. This time I will do the ones that I keep letting pass. They are tall claims only as of now. Maybe that was the reason I was forced to go down and start cleaning my room. As a proof to my doubting self that I will let this enthusiasm fizzle out as well.

Each time I feel like keeping something for tomorrow a sneer comes from some where inside. Something taunts me saying that I am slipping to the old ways. Who is this? Is it me? I don't know. I don't care. As of now I want to do all  of what I have always wanted to do but never really got around to doing. I just feel that this time it will be done. I will do it.

But I have, perhaps, felt like this before. A sneer shoots out again.

Lets see.

Budget Dinner, Wine and a Bleeding heart

The Zen master is the master of good times. Whenever he takes us students out he makes sure we have the time of our lives. The car trips are full of laughter and the destinations are larger than life. Everything is more animated and more exciting than what we imagine before we begin. That's the way it has always been. Ans so it was this night.

We are in Kasol, a hill station which is yet to be discovered by the regular tourist. A small cluster of shops and a few hotels sandwiched between 2 mountains. It is a lovely place. And it was a lovely night. The Zen master and I had been living here for the last few days and we were just joined by a new friend. We wanted to work and he wanted to party. So we decided to break the regular affair of cost cutting and splurge. Mind you, by splurge we still meant only to spend as much as a 3 days budget could be on a 12 day tour.

The dinner was marvelous. We has just had some apple caramble (one slice divided among us three) and then went on to order a parmeson cheese Rissotto, a veg biryani, a veg chowmein and a fruit salad. The bill came for Rs 230 but the experience was priceless. The table we were eating on was under a tree, lit with a dim light. The river was breaking through the rocks on the right side of us and a dog lay on the left with his legs up in the air. You cannot buy a better ambiance. Our new friend wanted to drink wine and the Zen master encouraged it so we went and bought a bottle of Indian wine. It was a celebration. And then he started about his love....

It was the Zen master who instigated it. He pushed and cajoled till our new friend opened up about it. Knowing the way everyone, myself included, shares all their problems with the Zen master, our new friend must have spoken of it before but he started from the very beginning so that I too could know it all. They met in a company trip. They spoke. She was bold, uncharacteristic of her, and he was flirtatious, characteristic of him. They became good friends and at some point he fell in love. But as the Gods of Cinema would have it, he is a Hindu and she is a Muslim. The families came in between and the fated lovers were destined to curb their feelings. She is to be married soon and as I write this post, our new friend speaks with her, long distance -Kasol to Chennai, in the balcony, drunk as much as half a bottle of wine can.

These are the stories cinema is made of ....

I too have a few, but then those are for another day...

later

Of Gremlins and Angels and Love affairs with Life

I am a Gremlin. I read the definition in some book about a similar topic. The author said that there are 2 kinds of people - Angels and Gremlins. Angels are the ones around which systems start working well. People will more reassured. Solutions are found. Computers start working well. I know of one such person. And there are the Gremlins. Around them things start going berserk. Questions are raised. They are the lords of destruction, there own and of others. Better constructions can be made once the breakage stops but one has to make sure that one can handle the breaking. I am a Gremlin.

I should have figured this out much before. Whenever I set my heart to something, it just never happened. I thought it was a Shani thing. But I think the matter lies lesser in the stars and more deeper inside my own behavior. Everything that has been effortless to me has reaped me benefit. Disproportionate benefits. I should have realized it much sooner. Everything I worried about has led me to further woes. It can be traced from long ago. When I worried about my height, it never grew. Till the time I had no clue about it I was one of the tallest fellas in class. Then I started worrying about my hair, everyone knows the what happened in that case. It even figures in my love life. When I cared less, they surrounded me and adored me. When I cared for them and worried for them, I lost them all. I am truly a Gremlin. And all that I let go of and all that I did not wait for came to me swiftly and without any ask. My Engineering degree, my management degrees, my job and my teachers. They all came and I never had to ask or raise a finger. I got the best job in my batch as a fresher because of my internship where I faked my results and spent time with my cousin playing computer games. My best test scores have come from the ones which I did not prepare for or the ones which I did not care enough for. Life loves me too much, I just don't know how to love her back.

It is just like a girl, life is. She plays and acts coy and cares and hurts, all without warning. But there are ways to get to her as well. As is with them all - small gestures matter. Small things which taken care of can give back big returns. But one must not rely on them alone. They stop mattering if they are all that one does. Sometimes those big ones are just as necessary. Surprise life with that sudden burst of effort. The sudden spark of brilliance and she will reward you for it. You have to receive from her as well. You have to enjoy the little things that she lets your way. Value them or you won't notice when the big hug comes your way. It is just as insulting to her when you ignore that big chance that she passes your way. Embrace them all and you have a nice little giggly girl, wanting to love you some more. 

Lesson 1: Celebration

One of the most important thing to remember is to celebrate. Celebrate any and everything, no matter how insignificant or how simple the manner.

To begin with, lets define "Celebration".
It does not have to be an elaborate show of flair and colors and sounds. It can be that or something as simple as a prayer thanking the lord or the universe for granting you with that special something. A simple acknowledgement is all that is needed to warmly hug that little bit of good fortune that you have. It is like loving some one. Little gestures go a long way than overtly sophisticated ones. It is just a way to be thankful for all that we have and all that we have had.

There are times when we say that there is nothing to be happy about. It is a sad thing to happen. But sadder still is that fact that we have let go of all the memories which could still brighten up our day. The reason we don't remember them is that we don't celebrate them enough. We don't recall the good times and relive the joy. We don't call up those old friends and share our reminisces. If we do just that - perhaps we will have so much that we would need to pick and choose which ones we want to celebrate.

Celebrate be thankful of something and it will give back much more. It might sound stupid and a little emotional to think so but there is a practical side to it. When we highlight the good things in and around us we tend to attract more of it. This does not happen due to some cosmic hoopla or magic. It is simply that we tend to focus harder on the things that make us happy and so find more ways of brining more into our lives. If I keep thinking of my friends and how great a time I spent with them, I am bound to find a way to meet them again and be the moving force towards the next meeting. If I am constantly happy about the little weight that I had lost, I am bound to find enough motivation to go out and run some more just for the way it makes me feel.

We can even celebrate the things that we don't have. An idea or a desire to get something can as easily be celebrated. The thought of owning something or loving someone or being loved back can as wonderfully celebrated as the real thing. All this does is focus our energies onto the idea and therefore focus our actions towards it. We think more about it - not yearning for it because we don't have it (That would have an opposite effect) but loving the fact imagining the fun or actually possessing what we desire. Some might say that this is merely positive thinking. It is. But by repeatedly doing so, it gives way for constructive thinking and planning in that positive direction.

So that is Lesson 1: Celebrate all that you have and all that you want to have.

Love the idea as you love a person. Perhaps it will point out a few mistakes you make in loving people as well.

Life continues to head in the opposite direction

I wanted an easy life. A life devoid of pressures and expectations. Some time where I can just do what I want to do and, unless I wish it, it would not matter. There would be no more morning alarms and no more Monday blues. Instead I get admitted to the strictest and most prestigious institute which will ensure that the next 5 years of my life be full of hard work and meaning. Meaning for them, not for me.
People yearn for this option, I have no other choice.

Part of me wonders if this is what I really want. I do enjoy winning. This was the old dream. The one with yachts and mansions and fast cars and beautiful women. Is that which is coming true? But do I want that still?
Questions, questions, questions....that's all I hear these days. No answers.

I have no choice and frankly, I am not surprised. Life has never come easy to me. This is just another repetition. Question is, will I make better use if it this time?

I am Cynical?

I was reading a blog, one randomly picked out from the millions out there, and I loved the way she wrote. Every word was a lyric in itself, it had music to it. Words that showed emotion, kisses dissolved in tea cups and memories stored in boxes with lace ribbons to keep them safe. After a few posts they did become sickly sweet but she did write about things besides love and emotion. It was wonderful the way she spoke of memories and feelings. It was like falling in love. In midst of my marvel my friend calls and I answer, half intoxicated with the lines I had just been reading. He speaks of the business we were discussing a little while ago and I cut him in between to tell him of the remarkable blog that I had just come across. I tell him of the wonderful way people write and oh how much I would love to write like them. "But you can't", he says, "you are way cynical". Time stops. I had thought of myself as many things but cynical was not one of them. "What do you mean?", I ask him. He answers, "You keep speaking of reality. People don't like that. People love to dream. Keep reality in check. Of course they know of it but it is so depressing. Tell them dreams and they will love it". I agree with him just to end the conversation. Stronger thoughts and questions had come up inside of me. The telephone call ends and I sit back to think some more; to prepare my thoughts and write this post. I think to myself, "He is not right, I am not cynical". All I do is see things as they are or try to do so. It is he who believes that things, as they are, are depressing. I see them, true. But I do not judge them. Why cannot reality be beautiful? Why is it so depressing to see it in its true form? Perhaps we make some mistakes and expect more from less and disappoint ourselves but that is no fault of matter or of reality. I merely choose to embrace the truth. I cannot say that I do because it is not an easily done deal, but yes I choose to.

I begin this post like I usually begin all my posts - without preparation. I find that it is the only way to write from the heart and not sound like a matter prepared over hours of deliberation with depth of precision. Perhaps there will come a time when I shall be able to write and emote at the same time, with preparedness. But now is not it. I shall write in both ways, I decide. And at some point those two will come together and help me write my masterpiece. Till then I remain...far far away from cynicism.  

The Good life series....

The Chinese write in symbols they call "Ideagrams". One of the more peculiar ones is that of the word "Crisis". It is actually the combined form of two words ideagrams - "Danger" and "Opportunity". It is the Chinese way of saying that every crisis is a danger and opportunity combined in one. I must say that more often than not Life agrees with their ancient wisdom.

Every time there is a problem - it produces an chance to make things even better than before. Every failure gives way for an opportunity to make it an even better success. Every argument gives way for a show of faith in the other;  a way for better understanding and mutual trust; and of care. Life gives us chances but we just don't take them up.

Whenever we say that life is not fair, we are missing the point. Chances are disguised as crises. I read somewhere that when we ask God for love in the family, he does not give love in the family but instead creates situations where there can be love in the family. When we ask for joy, he does not give joy but gives way for events and circumstances where we can give and receive joy. It is when we fail to do so that we hurt ourselves and feel pain. That too is a time when we can love our loved ones and share a little joke in the times of despair. There again is the chance to heal old wounds and form stronger bonds among one another. Again, another crisis, another chance to make things better.

Even with all this wisdom, I fail to make good use of the chances life gives me. Just that these times slip by when one is not careful

This label is just to be a reminder to make sure that the ideas don't slip by when there is an opportunity at hand. Small things that can be a reminder of the bigger picture, small things that can make those times, in between struggles, fun. This is my list for them.

So here goes...

2 people

There was a time when we were unafraid. Just babies then, we explored this world. Everything was new and everything was an adventure. We discovered food and love, joy and pain. They were all new and they were all fun. It was only when we grew older that we discovered fear, jealousy and disappointed. We found that hurt could come from something as soft as someone else's words. We became afraid of this new world. All was not well and there were times when we could not have what we wanted.We were disappointed. We found that there are bad people and bad things. We stayed away but wondered about them. Sometimes we ventured towards them. Sometimes we were the bad people. Slowly we accepted that some bad is Ok. That some bad is needed to survive in this big bad world. People lied to us - we discovered distrust. We ourselves were not pristine, and we really meant no harm, yet we are untruthful at times. How then can some one else be all good? We were hurt before and we had lied to protect ourselves, lied to make sure we could survive. How can we believe the words that come from someone else? We do not trust ourselves so how can we trust another?

2 such people meet. Each with his and her own fears, each with his and her own lies. And they look at the other to find love.

I fail to find ideas, sentences or words to complete this piece........

Felicitas Adieu

She came unannounced, unexpected

like a cool breeze on hot summer noon

with a smile that betrayed knowledge 

of my desire to see her again.

She was here, she said, finally

And I stood aghast

for I had waited for this moment forever

But now knew not what to do

For I had loved her and wanted her

All throughout time

and toiled tirelessly against fate

to embrace her in my arms

She had been my muse

my goal and my love

and now that she stood in arms reach

I stand lost and bemused

What had changed? I ask myself

Have I become vain or have I become wise?

Why is this moment so apart from the way

I had imagined it in my times of despair and loneliness

Why do I now stand hesitant

unable to move, unwanting to touch

Lost and confused, yet

calm and clear at the same time

I had changed and so had she

(Work in Progress)

At the cross roads again

Life has a funny way of coming at me. I was looking for the most comfortable way out and I got the the toughest way in. Life gave me an offer I cannot refuse. Or can I?
The gates are open. The same gates through which I once dreamed of passing through. The halls I wished I could roam. Now they beckon me and I stand paralyzed. Life has a funny way indeed.

I have always asked from life and been refused. I wanted the best and was given the second best. Mind you, it was always commensurate with the effort that I put in. And when the sheen had gone and I had given up hope, it would present itself. The question is how I receive it once it finally comes to me. These objects of my desire. They come to me, or should I say, life gives them to me only when I give up trying.
What is the lesson here? Or is this all merely chance? I don't think I am wise enough to know yet but I will trudge on. There is hope that all that which is refused to me now, will one day come calling and I shall stand judging whether it is still worth my time. Gives me a sense of power this. But I know from my experience, however insignificant, that this too is a test, one I must pass carefully and with humility. If all that I have asked and all that I will ask is to eventually bow down to me, then I better make sure I ask for the right things and keep my peace till they finally break under my persuasions. And in the end I remain with a notion that all this too perhaps mean nothing more than illusions.
But I have hope. Hope and my stubbornness.
I shall win this one too.
   

I have no colour

There is a problem with me. I have no color, no sound, no feel of my own. I am monochrome, bland and blank. Are you?

Come to think of it, a very few of us really have some color to them. Very few of us sound different from the millions of others that are around us. Very few of us make a difference by our very existence. We have no color.

You might say you make a difference. Your family loves you. Your friends want you around them. But are you that much different from the multitude of people around you. They are the same as you. They too have families that adore them and friends who think well of them. How can you claim that you are of a different hue. If they put us all against the wall, we would all be the same. Each replaceable by the other. Each with his existence defined by others. Each dependent on the dependents. We are all the same. We have no color.

So where does one find color? Where does one find something unique in himself? How is my existence defined if it is to be independent of the perceptions and beliefs and opinions of others? Who am I and what answer will I get if I ask myself that question and there was no one else but me to hear the answer?

Something to think about.

Thinking on the train

I was boxed in the side upper berth in an overnight train to Indore and had nothing better to do, so I started thinking (Isn't it strange that we do this activity only when we have nothing else to do). Just now ....I can't remember what it was. There was some reference to people being hypocrites and ...yes....how to be happy and remain so. Better I write about the second part.

The question is - Will I ever be happy? To answer this one has to hazard the even worse question - What is happiness? I was speaking to my cousin the same time and he told me that he was already living the life that I was working towards. He means to say that he has some idea as to the life that I want. I wonder how? When I myself am clueless about it. I suppose he meant that he was carefree and that he wanted things to slow down. It is a feeling that I had also wished for for quite some time. I wanted things to take a break. Wanted to stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of all that hard work or patience or whatever that has been happening till now. Some place in time and space where I can close my eyes and not be afraid that I might oversleep. That I can wake up whenever I wake up and it would make no difference. But that time never came. It was one test after another. Something was always passing me by. Someone was always getting ahead of me. If there was no one to compete, there was always your own aspirations. It was a constant race. For my cousin that race has stopped, temporarily he agrees. Why do I not envy him then? This is what I had always wanted. Or is it?

It is not completely true. But then hardly anything is. I had always wished this break for myself but lately I have had reason to believe that such a break will only make me more anxious and stir crazy. You know the feeling you get when you are on a holiday and there is no place to go. Or when you have some time on your hand and there is nothing good on TV. That is the feeling I get when I stand still.

I have given up the hopes and desires for an Audi and a yacht and a house the size of Marlinespike. But I am still on for the good life and the pleasures in it. A job that makes me wake up early in the morning and go to work when I feel otherwise, does not figure in it. My cousin's world may be suspended in a time where things are not moving too fast for him to notice, but they are moving still the same. There will soon be a time when he has to say "Enough" and move on to the next test. I wish for a life where there is nothing else to prove. No more tests.

And in all this there is the need of having someone to share it with. Watching the sunrise is so much more fun when someone squeezes your hand as the first rays hit you. Ignoring the call you don't want to pick is not the same if there is no one you can pass a impish smile to as you put the phone on silent. Trouble is finding some one with the same definition of paradise as you. So the search continues and therefore the tests continue.

Sighhhhhhh........

Well at least it is a little fun....!!

Later

Is it you or is it this feeling....

I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. I see a photograph and see only you and no other in it. I wanted to feel like this once again, even at pain of heart break, is this it? I feel joy, I want you to feel it. I feel pain, I want you to know of it. I feel ecstasy, I want you to be part of it. Is it you who is making me feel this or is it just my want to feel this way?

I want to hear caramel laced songs of longing, is this how I truly feel? I hear of someone else's happiness and I think of you. Is it the happiness I crave or is it you? I want to tell you how I feel, but then, feel like you are the last person I will ever let know. I laugh at my stupidity and then smile guiltily for the feelings in my heart.

Who are you but a random stranger whom I have come to know? Why is it that you pull at my heart when I know that it might all end in nothing?

Do you feel the same way about me?

Food for thought

Make a sample where you can remember tasks and matter easily.

options:

1) Write in the left palm

2) keep a paper in the pocket

3) Keep things in the mind

4) Keep a regularly sent email - that keeps detailed to do list - with future , firefighting and otherwise stuff

One can be that we make sure that we keep that list on palm, page or other places but make sure that the first attempt is made to remember from the mind. then check on the paper or email or palm.

There should be a constant effort to remember from the mind and then check from the reminder thingy.

Food for thought

Points:

1) we put our complete efforts only when we see a future in that effort.

When I am preparing for FPM interviews - I am thinking that I must learn statistical methods. I don't feel motivated because I know that it will have an effect only till the interviews. So eventually I will fail to put in as much muscle as I can.

What to do?

Think long - This preparation is not only limited to my interviews - these are statistical methods - these will help me later on in my research as well. Even if they do not help in the research they will help in my understandings of other research.

When I decide to work on something that will help me in the future - I will be able to put in my 100%.
I should also think that this preparation will help me in short time preparations in my career as well. This will help me in cases where I have to prepare something in a short time.

So everything that needs to be done must be done with some thought behind it. Else I can never put in my max. If I am put in my max - I need to reason with my mind as to how it will help me - even if the result is futile - the exercise alone should have some effect.


More on this as the idea evolves......


Question2

Why is it that whenever I am sad, I feel like speaking with someone?
It is not that I always look for support or for sympathy. Then why do I feel like this. Is it weakness?
And if at all - should I give in to it??

If I stop, will I be alone and cut off from society? Will that be a bad thing?

To change a person

How do you change a person?

Even before you start asking this question you need to ask many more to build up enough structure to go on and ask how a person can be changed. Should you change a person? Can you change a person? Can a person change for real?

I know that I have changed. I cannot think in the manner I used to look at the world before. Is this permanent or will this too fade with time? I believe that the mindset of a person is always in a state of change. It continually moves from one side to another, waxing or waning in different regards. So do I have reason enough believe that change can happen and that too through my hands?

I have just been told that change can come only from interaction and not from convincing someone. I believe that. There is no way I can change someone's mind by arguing with the person. It makes no sense doing this. There is no way someone with any ounce of self-respect would change his long term thoughts and ideas over a few minutes of strong willed arguments. It has to come in some what of a more subtle manner. A continuous transmission of ideas and experiences. A constant flow of discussions and exchanges. And letting go of the illusion of control that I can affect a change. I can instead only be part of the larger scheme of things....the way on which the person in question decides to change himself. I can really only be an actor in the process....

If you ask me.....I am happy being just that. For the time being....!!

Later then

Clarity of things

My friend says that she will get married soon. I am sad because she refuses to become what is her possibility.

Who am I to decide who she wants to be. I have yet to decide what I want to be....what I can be....what I should be...!! I don't even know what these mean or how they differ. There is a small sadness in me when this happens to the people next to me. Another friend sank low enough to give in pressures of the expectations of people. Am I pained at their loss or am I pained at the reflection of my own inability that I see in them.

Perhaps it is my inability and my desperation that I project on to these people and that they are in themselves happy as they are. Or perhaps...I see and they don't....!!
In either case control eludes me.

Long time no see

The last few days have been very trying. A heady cocktail of emotions, occasional drama and in the end the same familiar feeling of hope mixed with brooding despair. Got some news about friends getting married and some news about colleges telling me I was no good for them. Discovered that I can play chess and that I can beat some of the computer players as long as they are deliberately sloppy. Found out that women are as fickle as they are depicted in the novels and that every relationship boils down to being a power game. I discovered that I am severely uneducated and that as long as I can maintain the facade of being a know all, bald headed hep teacher....I can keep making a decent amount of money....that I will still not be happy. Started feeling like I used to feel back in 10th, invincible.....and at the same time realized how less I know of my limits and my possibilities. Started losing weight or inches...pants are getting loose, but finding out that I look still the same.

I wonder what else will happen in the next few days......I can't even say I don't want them to happen yet...I am afraid as to what might....!!

Till later folks....

tata

The search for meaning continues.....

I tried learning how to play the guitar. I tried to become fit. I tried to become smart. I tried to become educated. I even tried my hand at trying to become a ladies man. All in the search of a meaning to myself.

Honestly speaking, I am not happy at the present state of affairs. Or should I say that I am not content with it. I have a vision of where they might lead to and a hope that I will be happy then. But time and past experiences have taught me that I these events in the moving have never made me truly happy. The feeling evaporates after those precious few moments when you achieve something that you had feared you might lose, just a moment ago.

I once told myself that I will be happy traveling through the length of my life enjoying whatever happiness came along the way. I still want to believe it. But sometimes I ask whether it truly is happiness or am I just telling myself that it is. The cook did not come today. I heated the dal from yesterday and scooped out a little of the cold dish from day before yesterday. I toasted some bread and sat down to eat all this with coriander chutney. I ate like a king. There was some charm to the heating of the dal and the simplicity of the preparation and the fact that a no-gooder like me could now find my way in the kitchen. I felt like a King. Then I promplty went back to working on my college applications which would then get me accepted in a good school which would then give me a career which would then give me time and money which would then let me sit down on an idle afternoon and eat dal and bread and chutney in peace. What the hell is going on? Why can't I just have dal and bread and chutney and give up on the applications and the career and the hard work?

I think the answer is somewhere in the feeling of getting there. Happiness of reaching somewhere would be useless without those moments when you feel that you are almost there. The fun of summer vacations must have started just a few days before the last day. The uneasy feeling and the yearning for the days to get over and the final bell and then HURRAAAYY....!!!! I always felt disappointed by the holiday activities but the build up to the last day of school was delicious. May be thats why we work so hard. Not to achieve but to feel that we are achieving. Somewhere it keeps up believing that we are getting some where and that things are getting better or getting closer to getting better.

I just hope these journeys keep happening.....!!!