Happy New Year

I am drunk..

The people I was drinking with are sleeping in the room that I am writing this entry. They whiskey hit him harder that it hit me.

It was an eventful night. A whole lot more than just some new year celebration happened. Especially with the 2 people snoring away in tandem in the bed right in front of me. 

I have a funny pain in the left side of my abdomen and Goutam said it was indigestion. Thank god for that. I thought that the whiskey was hitting my liver instead of my brain.

It all started with the drinking in the room. When some one found out that a something very close to their heart has been taken away from them. There was always an expectation that something like that would happen but it still hurt like hell. And there was a message from some one to some one and that was too very unexpected yet desired but it could have happened and was perrhaps not the best things to be.

I am tired.

The whiskey seems to have taken offence when I said that it was useless as it was not affecting me one bit. It has started hitting my head like .....I dont know...something very persistant and very hard. I might not be able to say all that I want to say....But I will try my best.

What is Love? How much is it worth?

These are the questions that were on the table tonight. I also had a friend....a sceptic, and for no unnecessary reason...was also there. He lamented the fact as to how a women can be so much of a puzzle and the doubt as to whether she was worth all the trouble.

My drinking partner just found about his loss. He knew it was a long time coming and he took it like a man. But there is only so much that a man can do or take.....

The whiskey took control or loosened some from his....and he said it all....

The loss of this kind can really tear a person apart. Can break the strongest of people. Such is the power or the deceit of love. The sceptic was feeling glad that he had fallen in the trap long before he had learned the cruel ways in which the world worked. That he was stupid when he fell in love and that he was a much smarter person now. But I say.....who can fight with somrthing like love.

"My life is over" is somthing so easily said. But to say it a person needs to go through an immense amount of pain. It is like accepting defeat. A man does that only when he feels he cannot win.....or does not want to win. 

I saw 2 of my friends say or feel the same way tonight. Maybe not a very good way to start the year....but certainly a promising start. For no matter what it is.... a strong event such as this will always result in a reaction. It is not a simple little fluctuation in the regular scheme of things that will frustrate you with its uslessness. It will have results. Whether they are good or bad will depend on the people who they are concerned with.

And I remain.....

The whiskey did not do its part. I was to be drunk to the extent that my speech would slur and I would have difficulty in speaking properly. I know then that I am drunk.

That did not happen....so I remain unchanged. Only now the alcohol seems to be reaching my head. I have loved. But I seek the same or perhaps more in some other person now. 

Does that mean that I was not trully in love with her? I don' know. I don't think so. 

I loved her. But now that is in the past and I want to find that love again. And I will do that. 

I will atleast try. 

Because that is all that I can do. And if I think that I will lose in doing that, by implication it means that there is no purpose for me now. And if I think that I will succeed in doing that, by implication it means that I will succeed in overcoming in whatever I face right now.

I like it believe that my reasoning is correct. That is what keeps me on. 

Avery good year to all of you out there....and to my friends who have found themselves in a very tricky situation in the very beginning of the year.

See you later then....

tata 

The Strangest Things......

Hey fellas....

I am sitting in Neeraj's room. He has a paper tomorrow and he is watching "The Matrix". I sure hope he has done his calculation is right. If he gets the certification from tomorrow's paper he has some hope of getting a good job in the coming Placement Week. Else he is toast!!!

The people he is up against are far more prepared than he is. But the person he really is up against is himself. The people who know him will know what I am talking about. 

Sometimes I feel that the same thing is true for all of us. Isn't it us ...... We are the ones who decide when to give up, when to stop trying any more. We decide when to just slip a little bit and not put in all the effort that is really warranted. We decide....we decide...we decide...!!!

And then we say that luck was not working for us...!!

Don't know about others but I sure do that. I don't quite know why I sat down to write this entry. It was something important...but I can't seem to remember any more.....

Was telling him about the multipliers that lives hands out to us. He had me really depressed with his talk last night. So much so that even I felt like he had the right idea. The guy can be an idiot at times.

Multipliers that life hands us. Funny is it not....but that seems just like what life is like. You do a lot of work, you are careful that certain things don't go wrong and then life hands you a mulitplier for all the efforts that you put in. It can be a 1, then all that you did gives the right result. Or it could be a 2 or a 3....windfall....it could be a 0.....no dooghnut for you....or something in between.

The only thing that you can do is to keep trying. Whats the point wondering what the next multiplier is going to be. Let it be. Just keep on working for what else is there?

Things can be so remarkably simple if you want it to. People and sometimes me....or a whole lot of times me....just don't understand. 

I have a few months to spare before life takes a drastic turn for me. I don't know what multipliers are gonna come.... The only thing that I know is that I am not putting in all the I should be putting in for the right kinda results.

But I think I deserves little rest right now....

New year....yes that is when I really start on the new stuff.....

yup that sounds just right.....

till then...I sleep....

later 

tata

I am Placed....!!!

I dont know if I had made any mention of the fact that I was preparing for a placement interview. Well I was...and I made it.

It happened yesterday morning. I had a bad cold and a sore throat. It was all looking bad.

I walked in to the college back gate. the car was not there. The nutter was supposed to be there.

It was already time. 

I walked over to the Taxi Station.....the nutters were still there. I ask them:"Boss, What happened?????"

Well the driver in context was washing clothes......

So he comes and sits in the car....the car won't start.....!!!! Horror Horror......

So here I am, in my nerves, shaking in the morning cold and my nervous sweat and the nut of a cr won't start.

Well the started 'Push Starting' it. So my driver is in the car and they start pushing.....

He does not turn in time and the car backs into some pots in the building right in front of the Taxi Station.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I am late...I have a Driver who moonlights as a Washerman....or the other way around and he drives like a nut.....atleast backs like one....!!!

Well the Pots and Plants were cleared and the driver was delt some mean blows on the head by the other fellas....as if he was not dazed enough!

I walk over to him....he seems ok....a sorry grin on his face. 

Me: "Bhayia, Gurgaon ke raste aate hain?"

Driver(Nut): "Haan aate hain"

Me: "Globas Business Park pata hai?"

Driver(Nut): "Woh aap bata dena"   

Me:"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

F@!#@#$@#

I specifically told those fellows that I want a guy who will know where Global Business Park will be. I told then that my road sense sucks!!!!!

This morning was really turning into something. 

So we leave, me and my semi-dazed driver.

We reached the place all right. Even though it seems that we arrived in the reverse manner..as in we reached the destination without crossing the landmarks we were supposed to cross. Just when we were expecting to see the landmarks, I see this building that looks just like the one I was supposed to be in.

Well Well....All is fine. I ask my Driver to give me his number so that I can call him in case we were in the wrong place or if he went some palce andI needed him. 

Driver(Certainly a Nut): "Woh toh waheen raha gaya"

I have yet not experience a more promising morning.

So I walk into this big building.....with huge walls and pillars....as if I don't know that they are trying to intimidate me with them....huh!!

I walk into the Office and Voila!!!!  Everything just changed......

The air was different or some instinct had just kicked in....I was not feeling like the fippity flappity fish out of the water any more.

The suit felt more like my skin than I had ever felt. There was something different there. Something that felt like it should have come earlier and I was wondering why it did not, but I had no idea wht it was.

But it was there.

I had reached the office an hour early. But they were ok with that. The person who was to interview me was there. So I was called in.

From there on everything went wrong.....but it was all right!!!

I answered all the questions wrong! "Some thing about yourself"....I never prepare for that question because I answer impromptu...and suddenly I didnot know what to say.

Then there were some concept questions and even then I was having a tough time finding my feet in the whole process. But somehow my answers kept hitting the right places.

The right notes...the right kind of rhythm. The guy was liking what I was saying. He was forgiving what I was saying wrong....I was making good comebacks from every rebuke....!!

I was still some kind of daze. My voice was sounding alien to me.....apart from the fact that it was sore but still...alien.

And then it happened.....He asked me a question that has tortured me throught my life....

"What is 2.5% of 7"

I suck so badly at maths that I can die from it. I said...guessed...".0028"

"Think Again" he said....

Well I could figure out that it was 175 but how many decimals.....shit I was so blowing it.....

".00175"...it was a guess and I was betting my life on it.

"Right"...he said.....

And it was done....

He shook my hand and said it was good....I have given a good interview he said....

I had my appointment letter in my hand after 10 mins.

I have a job now....yeah....Level 1 "Cleared"

Onto Level 2 - "The on Job performance"

Bring it on....I am game...!!

later 

tata

 

Times are Strange.....

They really are. 

Things just won't look up. One of the friends is feeling suicidal, the job scenario is bad and the exams aren't making things any better. Most of all I have been feeling this emptiness inside. I don't know what it is.

It always happens when I have some thing big coming up. I cant concentrate on anything else. Everything seems unimportant and it seems like nothing else is worth the while. 

All gets topsy turvy because of it. I cant get any decent amount of work done. There is the fear that the thing that I am waiting for might not turn out well and there is the worry that because of this I am screwing the other important things.

But it might be something else entirely. I am kinda hoping it is ....because then I would have wasted my time and worried for something important.

Feel like talking to some one. But don't know what to talk about. Something is just not in place.

I have a very important job interview on Monday. If I make it then there will be some 5 months of no work and all play. And in case I don't make it......then there is as much more work and agonisation over what went wrong.

Have to do something about this. They keep saying that one should enjoy the journey and not the destination alone. good solid sense. But how do you make it happen???

I should be enjoying the journey right now. The excitement or the feeling of antiicpation.....

but instead I am simmering in my limbo......

how does one enjoy the journey...???  Have to figure this one out....maybe I will figure out the way to live my entire life happily in case I can figure it out.....

how to enjoy the Journey?

how...

till later

tata

Hey

I am not much of a blogger. As you can see from the number of posts that I have made all this time. But lets say that it was the past and I wish to now mend my ways. There was a blog thing that I started with my pals and it did not work. But it told me somthing.... That I can blog and blog pretty well. 

So here I am... will be doing this more often when my papers get over. The only thing with blogs that I don't like is that it is a one way communication. I mean you never know if some one is reading it or not. So who are you talking to.

This makes writing the posts so difficult.

but no fear......will go on and write them anyways.....

till the next post...

tata