I am so stuck

When will I get away from this predicament.....

There are times I feel like so taking an extreme step - break away from the whole sham. Take a shot at the wild side. Do something wild. Something crazy. Something that will change the present times to something a little more bearable.

I don't know what to write about. It is so hard at times to even breathe when all the shit is falling on you. I had 3 days of extreme shit falling and then on the 4th day - all my muscles just gave in. There was nothing - didn't feel like speaking or eating or doing anything. I didn't even blast the fellas that report to me. They need an regular blasting else the entire place falls apart.

What the hell is happening....??? Please something happen - something that will change the present pace of things.

What will I wonder.

Please universe come and help me. Please come and change the way things are happening......change the way the things are flowing....the way that the ......oh hell I don't know.

bye

Do you remember me - part 2

I wrote a post about how I have been changing over time. I don't quite remember all that I wrote the last time but I want to say some more.

I have people reporting to me now. That changes a lot. But what I have begun to notice is that now even my cool has a longer fuse than before. I don't seem to lose it as quickly as I used to. Yesterday I was in a high pressure situation in which I would have certainly lost it but I was remarkably cool, even figured out a solution to save the day. I wonder if my friends from school and college will notice this change, but then I was always a little behind the times. I will tell you how....

When I was in school I was probably as mature as I should have been when I was Nursery. Same for when I was in college. I was a nut case then because I was as sensible as I should have been when I was in school. Now I am working. I don't know how much more sense I have from when I was in BSchool. Will there be a difference? Have I caught up with the general population in the growing up race? I guess I will find out when I see my friends from the old times. Maybe they can tell.

I can never tell whether it is stupidity or stubbornness on my part that makes me do such stupid things. And mind you, stupid as defined by the people around me.

I hate to do something that is, as the world defines it, proper if it does not suit me fine. Why should I do anything that I don't want to do. I am not going to quote the Constitution, what I am saying is plain I don't wanna do it then why should I? Am I more conforming now?

I am but as a rebel. I won't do it because I am accepting the logic of it, just that I know if I don't I am going to lose my job. Hate that....

This is where the new set of things come up...I am planning to change my situation, just that it will take some time - the new development here is that I am suddenly comfortable with doing 2 things at the same time. I have always hated multitasking, not with my hands or something but with my brain. I can't seem to put my mind to 2 things at the same time. Now I can or I seem to be able to. It might be that I have accepted the fate that "this is the way the world is going to be so what the hell you better learn this as well" or I might have just learnt a new trick from the book of "Getting things done". Either way, I am now pursuing 2 things and not cursing the universe for it. Whats more...I think I might actually pull it off. I will pull it off.

I hope the next time I put something here - It will be a step up from where I am now....

Ciao...

Mantra

They say inspiration can come from any place at all. Mine come from an animation series.

Cast off your fear

Look forward

Move forward

Never stand still

Retreat and you will age

Hesitate and you will die

After every fight I want to rest. When fighting I keep waiting when it will end. I suffer the time when I am fighting. How can I get better at something I hate.

The outer appearance depends on the dominant power within. When the body is dominated with life it is flesh, when it is dominated with death it is bones. The same reasoning applies to the appearances otherwise as well. When the dominant power is happiness the body looks happy, when the dominant power is fear, the body looks pale.

Whatever you do not use, do not love using, do not appreciate - You lose forever. You can never develop the talent/weapon that you regret having to use.

Do not shy from battle. A battle is something that lasts for eternity. If you defeat one person/problem someone stronger will appear before you. Unless you have the resolve to stand against this eternal cycle, your confidence someday will be shattered. Even then the battle will continue in some other form. As long as there are souls, conflicts will be born and and there will be battles.

One is made of two people. One's ability and one's resolve. One is the king and the other the horse. Together they fight life's battles. But either can be the King or the horse. The difference between the King and the Horse is that the King makes the decisions and the horse obeys, increasing the power of the king.

When one's resolve is King - when one's resolve is stronger than ones ability, it is the resolve that decides the course of action. It controls the ability part of the person. The person can then take things into his hand and not let his ability or disability to restrict him. When one's ability is king - when it is stronger than one's resolve, it makes the decisions. Deciding to fail when it does not match up to the battle.

Either one's resolve is driven by one's ability or his ability is driven by one's resolve.

Seek battle. Don't run from it. Don't regret it. It will find you anyways. Seek it. Enjoy it. Look forward to it. Give more power to resolve than ability.

To actually want to win instead of just getting over with the problem. Never seek to end the battle, seek to win the battle. Never hand over your sword. Never say no to another fight, another challenge.

You seek power and accomplishment, then seek the battle that comes with it. Because the battle will come even if you give up on it. You were born this way, you continuously seek battle - Whatever you have when one battle is over is never good enough for you. You always instinctively seek battle. Give in to that instinct. Revel it. Fight.

Picture worth ....I dont know what...

Funny times.....good times

Remember me?

I have been away for a long time. Life as a Sales guy can give you a lot of lone time. I haven't seen the people who make my life for about a year now. I did go home once in all this time, but never met anyone except my family. That too only for a day but that is not important. I spoke to a very close friend and had a rather hard time understanding what he was saying. That is when it struck me, something was different.

My friend was speaking so fast that I was uncomfortable. Not that I could not understand him but his speed seemed so awkward that it made me uneasy. I asked him why? and he said that I was the one acting strange. He always spoke this way. I never seemed to find it odd. Why was I acting the way that I was? Had I changed?

I am in a completely different environment right now. I have 8 people reporting to me. I am responsible for 1.5 lakhs of business every month. And I have to race to do my targets every 7 days in the month. Have I changed? When I see my friends will they feel I have changed? Will they find me different person?

I hate to even think so but have I grown up? Secretly I hope I have. I hear it is a killer attribute when it comes to bagging the girls.

I think differently about money. I have different choices for my career. I don't worry about things that made me shut myself in a dark room, curl up in a ball on the floor and cry.

So what happened? Am I closer to being me.

Logically speaking I should be. I am away from all the influences that lorded over me till now. I am surviving on my own. Decisions of clothing, food, money - all left to me. I should be coming closer to who I really want to be. No compulsions, no carrying expectations of the people around me. The people I deal with everyday now are ones that can't really screw up the way I think enough to influence my thought process. I mean they can tell me to act in a particular way but not think in any which way they want.

True to all this, I am changing. Question is, where am I headed?

Won't risk even pretending to know the answer to that one. But I am excited. Pretttty excited.

Tell you more later

tata

At Crossroads

Picture Tom Hanks at the end of Castaway. Only this time the character is bald and funny looking, me. And the number of roads are quite a few more than the ones in that scene. The million dollar question - What now?

I was up on a tough road and I completed it. But the decisions were pretty simple. Stay with the life that you are leading or change it. I decided to change it and here I am. I have completed the road and now I am at the place where I can change my life.

But as usual life comes up with one more puzzle for me. Change life? Fine, but how??

And hence the may road ways in front of me and I looking dumbly at them.

When life is hard and bitter, we search for options in the most impossible places. But when life inundates us with options it is pretty much the same thing. Like right now.

What do to? What to do? To enter into a role which will give me more and more options to grow and make more money? Or to go into a world which I love to be in and perhaps scrape a little when it comes to making money?

High pressure - high rewards, or low pressure - peaceful life in the slow lane?

Think Big? or think big in the matters of the mind and life?

I wish the angel on my wrist would jump out and take me into her arms and put me on the right track. Even a rude kick in the right direction would do fine by me. She is a loving one my guardian angel, I won't mind an occasional hard push.

Hehehe.... I dream so much

May be I should do a Phd in dreams and reality.

later then

tata