Disclaimer

Disclaimer
The thoughts expressed below are the author's and the author's alone but mind you only at the time they were written. There should be no assumptions made that the author feels or does what is written here all the time. Neither is it safe to assume that even one of the quirks is present in his usual behavior. This is a fair warning - The author is well versed in the art of pagan rituals (curses etc) and is not afraid to use it!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Hookah

My friends and I went to this Sheesha place in Bangalore. It was a long time wish of mine to try it out and even though we did not manage to get into the snazzy looking joint - we made it to a nice parlor right next to it and had ourselves a nice time.

No sadly this gal was not with us - it was just a bunch of us guys puffing away at the Hookah. It was the second time I was trying this thing out but the first time I was choking on the damn thing because of the stuff going on in my head - not a pleasant memory. This time I was able to relish it properly. And how did I feel? Well the expression on the chick's face says it all.

I have never smoked so I won't be able to give any comparison but it seemed like having a couple of pegs of whiskey. The feeling was the good feeling you get when you are just about right in the drinking department. You have had just enough and its time to sit back and relax. Just that in this case there was no heavy feeling I usually get with drinking. Nor was there a fear of overdoing it. It was all cool. This and a couple of friends with you for company and you can have a really good time.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Happy harmonica

Ok this one comes right off from behind the one that I just wrote. I don't wanna fake it so I will not remove or change the previous post. I am suddenly back from the dead and that is because of the Harmonica. Of course that is what I want to believe. I tried to play it in the evening as well and could not coz I was feeling so off. But now I was looking at some instructional videos on Youtube and I tried playing it some - actually played it and instantly I felt all better. What happened? Does my harmonica have some magic? Or was I some Harmonica player in the previous life that I just react to the sound of it? Well that may be but I think the reason was that I let my mind of the issue for a moment. Now I am thinking of it again but there is no heaviness like there was earlier on. Maybe all we need to do when we truly feel something bogging us down is to let go of it for a while and really let go of it - not watch a movie and keep obsessing about it in the movie theater but to really put your mind to something else - maybe that is all the juice your head needs to sort things out. I am feeling so much better now. I think I might have a really good sleep tonight - important day tomorrow - must collect college transcripts and talk to my Profs....Till later then fellas....

Cheers

Major hit of despair and depression

Some of you who have known me for a very ling time now will know this part of me. When I spiral down in depression to the point that I am dangerously contagious to any one around and nothing seems to get me to feel better. My face has the same darn look of sadness on it and I can ruin anyone's mood that day. It's like my negative mojo is so strong that no one and when I say no one I mean no one can face up to it. Well that is how I feel just now.

Applications dates are drawing in and even though I have the base work done I keep getting the feeling that maybe some thing more could have been done. There is always that feeling. It never seems to leave. Maybe today I was tired and that made things worse. I have been a little ill lately. A little tired and having a little difficulty sleeping. Yesterday was the third night, thankfully not in succession, that I was not able to sleep all night. It was not that I was tossing and turning. Maybe I would have tossed and turned if I stayed in bed but I got up and paced all over the house. I was not sleep walking or anything - just thinking what all needs to be done, dreaming some of what all there will be to do a few years from now....crap like that. When I got ready to sleep again it was 4 AM. I still could not sleep. Got up all grumpy and was not able to get the things I wanted done today. So it is all going to happen tomorrow - If I can sleep well tonight. Damn...!!

http://www.fmhweb.com/insomnia-and-few-hours-sleep-may-mean-high-blood-pressure-on-the-way/
Just read here that Insomnia and less hours of sleep might mean high blood pressure on the way. That can be true.

I don't think I have a major problem but just that I miss a few people, even though they are just a phone call away. Sometimes things get so tangled that it does not matter how close you are you still can't reach out to them. Actually that is completely off target from what I am talking here but since I am feeling down, all the other emotions that get me down are converging on me all together. I hope this one gets away from me soon.
Cheers

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Harmonica and Me

I have started practicing on my harmonica. It is not really something that I am doing whole heartedly - I have other things on my mind which are far more important. But I keep this on the side and it takes my mind of things. I call her - Buzz, Buzzy for a nick name. I call her a she because well she is always on my lips and if something is going to be on my lips its gotta be a chick else it is coming off. I call her Buzz because hey I like to get a buzz now and then and it sounds to me like the way the sound probably is made inside the Harmonica.


 Thats my babe right there - a Hohner Big River 10 hole harp. I like to talk to it while I am taking a break from kissing it deeply. Its like getting to know her - nice and patiently, just like we should with a woman but we never do. Since I am really having a dry streak these days - I think I better use my courting skills on her. She is not to be taken lightly though. I better stick with her on a daily basis and be nice to her and all. Find out how she feels about different things - how I hold her, how I caress each hole with my tongue and which way she likes to be played. She makes the most beautiful music when I do it right and I get a bad shrill sssss when I do it wrong - thats right she hisses right back when I do it wrong. She is one bad girl. But I guess I will make her love me eventually. Eventually.

Later

Rebecca and her videos...

There is a music teacher - Rebecca and she blogs on youtube. I think I will start doing that too once I have the time and the equipment for it. Takes a different type of preparation - retakes if you make a mistake or say something that you don't want to go on the air. Not like in a regular blog post where you can just hit delete and all is well again. In a video blog you have to have a retake or it is pretty easy to see that you just made an edit somewhere.

I am adding just one of her songs below. Please this is not her best song, she has much better ones on her channel. I just found it immensely funny. Listen to the words - the song is not about food stuff believe me!!



Here is another song - this one is much better if you want to be impressed by the lyrics and all....



Someday I am going to post videos like that too....hopefully someday soon.

Later

Monday, September 13, 2010

Rituals

This is a follow up from the post I wrote on symbols. I said then that there is a possibility that we can use symbols to control ourselves and make us do more of what we want to do than what we end up doing in the moment. Today I say that we can do the same perhaps in tandem with the symbols or without them, with rituals.

Rituals are not new as we might think or too old as some would argue. We still practice them in our regular daily lives without paying that much attention to it. Remember the prayer in the morning or when your parents asked you to say a silent prayer to the picture or idol just near the entrance just before you leave for work or school. Think of the lamp lighting ceremony that we have in the beginning of any festival or project. We do it all the time and we do not notice it. We have been doing this from the old days as well. Remember the rituals where the women will pray before the men went to fight in the wars. And the rituals of the different festivals where we do the same things that we do every year or basically the same thing but in different ways. So why not develop a few rituals for ourselves? And how do these rituals help anyways?

Again it is all in the mind. When one steps out of the house after a prayer he has the added hope that god will look after him, he does not think of it consciously mind you. The same was with the women praying for their men when the went to the battle. Same is with the conch and shell and the trumpets before charging into the enemy lines - they all help boost the mind. The feeling of wellbeing and the feeling that there is something out there helping and urging us on. But is there?? No. And if we look a little harder we can say that they hardly make any difference because they are based on a elusive figure of God and of transparent and imaginary elements called wishes and fate and luck!! A thinking man line you and me will know this and dismiss it, how then can we use it to our benefit? How can the man who knows that they are mere hoaxes use it to boost him? This is where we mix science with the arts of the old. The ancient people were not blind, they knew what they were doing, at least the smart ones did. They knew that the people needed something to believe in, something supernatural, so that they could go and try to do the impossible. Again here it was always possible but the people thought it was impossible. We now know the truth so what will work for us will be a ritual that reminds us not of the God or the blessings of the ones we love but of ourselves. A ritual that will remind us of who we are and what we have done to reach here. When we next step on to go to war, whether it be an interview or a job, we need something to remind us that we have worked hard till now and that we have built ourselves enough to come to a point where we deserve it. The battle is won before the fight has begun because we have paid the price. There is nothing unreal here. It is the simple visible truth.

This ritual will work in two simple ways. When we are finally at the point where we begin the war or the job at hand - it might even be asking out that girl you want to ask out or go for that achievement you have been preparing for years - the ritual will remind us of what all we have gone through. All the last minute jitters will go away and we will know that we deserve to win this fight. That we have changed from the person we were before we started preparing and now have become some one who is worthy of the prize. That alone can do away with all last minute apprehensions and the battle as they say is half won.

The other way the ritual helps is in the preparation. The ritual must be repeated at the beginning of any leg of the preparation. That way the person will be focused at the job or the practice or the preparation exercise at hand. He will know that a miss here or a half attention or half effort here will have a heavy price to pay in the end when he is about to perform at the test. When he performs the ritual then - he will know that he did not do enough at that moment of practice. This is fear enough for a person to make sure that he puts in all that he has at preparing for the task. It is also an incentive for the one who believes that what he is doing now is futile and that it will come to no good. When he performs the ritual he will know as he can almost see himself performing the ritual in the end and feeling satisfied that he did enough to be deserving of this prize that he is after.

There is much that needs to be thought of before one can safely say that the ritual is infallible. Hell, there may not be any way in which it can be made so. But over time it can become the driving force in the achievements that we make. It is a matter of habit. Designing the ritual is again something that needs to be thought about. How can it be so simple yet so definitive that it can be applied to all targets in life. Something that can be the driving force to be a better competitor and perhaps to be a better man.

More on this when I understand some more......

And hey, feel free to tell me if there is something that you feel will help in figuring out the problem.

Later

Sunday, September 12, 2010

What do you need to live?

A challenge. That is all you need. And not just a challenge for a life or an era or a decade or a year....but a challenge in every moment. Because in that moment if you want to do something or know something or believe in something then you are alive....else it is just another moment you never noticed that passed away. Hell, even the time you take off to take a breather - the challenge then is to cool down then, isn't it?

The day you feel that you have nothing else to do...that is the day you die!

And you know .....among all this bravado....still ...... I still want to have that safe haven where I could hide...the circle of people where I could be protected...!!

I want to fight and be a fighter....but hey...it would be nice if.....aaaahhh what the hell!!

My heads a blurr...!!

Later

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Does success ever get to you?

I don't mean that you become too much of a prick, I am saying do you ever become a slave to it. Tell me what happens when you cannot leave it any more. What happens when you lose more than you gain? I don't ever want to be in a position where I won't be able to walk away from it.

There is a movie - Heat.
Robert De Niro is the crook with a golden heart. Great movie but what I want to talk about is a line from it.

Line from the movie:
A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."


I don't want to be such a situation where the job or the salary or anything else becomes so much a need that I can't walk away from it when I want to. I know that as times passes one gets family and responsibilities it becomes a problem. Some times the game or the job or something becomes too much for a person - damn I don't want that to happen to me. But I guess no one wants to - but it happens. This is where I want to be different. I want to make sure that I remember to keep what's important real. When the time comes to walk away from something I will walk away from it.

I don't want to become the guy that walks away from responsibility - I don't want to be the guy that no one can depend on but I won't fall in a trap. No....no no no...!!

How....I am learning ain't I? I will get this one too....!!

Later

Friday, September 10, 2010

Symbols

The power of a symbol does not come from the symbol itself. When some one is introduced to some new symbol there is no way he or she can be affected by it. One must know something about it or have some knowledge of symbols to make inferences of the patterns that make the symbol. But once it becomes popular it has the ability to have power of men. Say a simple example will be that of a Skull. Wherever there is a Skull symbol immediately one knows that it is the symbol of Danger or fear. Something is wrong there. This is how it plays on one's mind. To make a man shake in his mind, to make him more prone to nervous mistakes - all one has to do is expose him to sufficient symbols of danger. The same can be said about positive symbols. A room is a simple room but becomes a place of prayer when a few Crosses or idols are put there. Add a few portraits of gods and suddenly it becomes a haven for safety. There is no safety there but people will feel a lot safer and more in control of their fear there. That is all there is to symbols. A flag is nothing but a pattern - but put in the right place and in the right fashion it can drive the patriotic feelings in a normally indifferent man. But all this is not the reason why it caught my attention right now. I have never claimed to be altruistic - and I won't now. I want to use them for my benefit.

The main purpose of a symbol is to evoke a particular mental image or a feeling inside the mind. This can be used to one's own benefit. We keep telling others how to do the right thing and sometimes we tell ourselves as well but we find it the hardest to follow this advice. Is there a way in which symbols can made to come to our aid here? I think there is. But to do so we must either use the commonly known symbols or make our very own. If we use the commonly used symbols we run the risk of the world knowing our little secret - we can't have that now can we? So what do we do - We make our very own set. But I am getting ahead of myself here. I need to find a way to make them work for me first - and figure out how they will affect me. I need to be the one who has control over them in the end.

There are times when I forget or choose to forget facts. When I deliberately take that longer than necessary break or when I let pass an opportunity - I need something to remind me of these transgressions I make against my own will. A symbol that reminds me just before the act can deter me perhaps. A simple symbol - made powerful by repeating over and over again - like a mantra - the moment I see it - all the convincing I had done and all the thoughts and all the planning will come back in a second and I will have in a way asked myself the question - The act you are about to commit now - is that the right thing? I don't think that there will be so much in words or sentences that will go through my mind then - just a simple warning...like an image of me looking at me nodding his head and wagging a finger at me - telling me that I am being naughty. And not just this. Symbols can be used for happy thoughts as well. Just imagine the 'Stick Man' - The man we draw with sticks and a circle for his head. Imagine in your head a stick man family - doesn't it evoke the feeling of warmth in you - don't you think of your family then. Hide it away - such a symbol - something that you would see some time in the future when you are looking for something maybe - something that would make you remember of some good time or some happy thought. Who knows....you might be in a sour mood then and this would just make it all disappear.

I don't know how much of this will actually work - and how strong the reaction will be but there seems to be something in this. There seems to be something here that can be made to work. I will keep trying. Maybe figure a way out to trap that bad boy I got for a mind - make it a slave to what I really want. I am gonna look into this one. I got a good feeling about it.

Cheers

later

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

If only I had mail...!!

Some times I wish I had some one I could write to like this. Have you seen this movie? I like the idea of talking to you as if you are just one reader and not like I am speaking to all my readers all together.

I like the thought that every single day there would be this thought that there could be mail from this someone. Every time I open my mail box I will be sitting up expecting that little message from that friend. Some one I can tell anything that I want. Some one who can trust me just as much. And the fact that we never meet or that we might never meet adds to the amount of trust that one can put into these messages. You can just be the person that you wish to be. After some time I think we all want to be who we really are. I don't think anyone wants to keep getting credit for things they did not do. The guilt sets in eventually. But you might be some one in reality yet hide that from the people around you, afraid that they will judge you if they knew. Here I could just be myself and the person on the other end would just accept me, not because it is the right thing to do or I am right in assuming some thing about myself but because I will do the same for the other person. After all - there are times when we want to be become some one but are stuck at some place . And when some one believes in you and that you might actually be that person, maybe you might have just a little more of a push to go ahead and be that person.

And of course the want for that elusive thing called 'love'. I don't even know anymore if it makes sense to keep looking for 'the' person. I mean should we not just look for some one who would just be decently close to what we want or maybe some one with whom you just feel good. Accept the fact that the person is not going to be perfect and that maybe there is a person some place in this world or perhaps in this universe whom you have not yet met and she is the perfect person for you, so what....you have not met that person have you. Chances are that you won't. Why not make it the best thing you have with this one person who perhaps not the perfect match for you but is still here with you, making a similar effort to be the best she can, for you. Soul mates are over-rated. Simple. Be with the person you are with and make it the best you can turn it into.

Of course in my case I can't even find some one who is willing to give it a shot with me. Damn...I suck!!!

Later

Monday, September 06, 2010

No Smoking





No smoking at all...!!

They say gazing into a Mandala can be therapeutic


New crazy thoughts.....

So here goes - I am thinking of learning how to play the harmonica.

Nothing is written in stone yet and it might be a passing thought...but I have always wanted to play an instrument and this one seems mighty handy - you know you can put it in your pocket and all...!!

I hear that learning it will be easy - you have a number of tutorials on youtube they say.

All in all a thought no less....lets see if this one sees the light....

Cheers!!