I don't trust time...

No I don't. I hate what it has done to me in the past and I am never going to trust it again. 

Every time I put something off for later, thinking mayve now was not a good time or that I can always do it later, I have suffered for my thinking. Even now I know there are some things that I leave for later and I know in my heart that I will regret not doing them. 

Some of those things have reached the point of impossiblity. Even though my own logic says-"That it never gets too late for anything, it only gets more difficult".

There are the smaller less important things that I have started taking care off. I don't let them pile up and bother me anymore. Like I need to get some Booze for the party tonight. I am not leaving it for later. I can get it late as well but why take the chance?

It's the more important things. The more macro things that I deliberatley keep of the "Time Logic" scanner. I am going to start taking them on one by one. And I need to keep an eye on my writing as well. Something tells me that when I start writing sense I will have started thinking like a grown up too.

tata

Having nothing to do is the worst thing to happen...

I have nothing to do. Nothing at all.

It is the worst thing that can happen to a person. I am not a hardwrking person. I like to idle my time away. But this is madenning. 

Everybody else seems to have so much to do. The ones without a job are preparing for the next interview and the ones that have a job are at home visiting their folks.

I have a job and I see my folks all the time, more so nowadays becasue I go home so often. It's like God is punishing me for having it all. 

But I had a good time to think. I thought of quite a few things. Things that I should have figured out a long time ago. Know I haven't figured them out. Just that now I know that I should have figured them out.

The only way to really feel like you won something after you win something is to put in so much in that winning that you have nothing else left. I was wondering what went wrong with me when I got my job. I was not feeling like I was on the top of the world. It is recession time and I am one of the few who have managed to get a job and mine is one of the best when it comes to Package anf profile. I was not happy, relived but not happy.

It's because I did not put in as much as I should have. I slacked and smart worked by way through. I knew that even if I don't get the PPO I will still manage it in the Placement Week in college. I was cocky and I was lazy. And luckily I was right. I got the PPI and I converted it to a job.

I never invested myself in it so much that my heart would go out to it. So when the goodies came, I was not as elated as I would have been had I worked harder, had I sweated some more. had I been in a positon that this momment would make or break me and then it would have come my way and I would have burst into tears. I missed it all because I did not work as hard as I probably could. 

Serves a lesson really. There would be a lot many oppurtunites where I will have the chance to put in my whole. I will have the choice to out in just however much is enough or put in all that I have and save nothing. If I win and I might win even with a smaller effort, the emotional rewards that will follow will be according to the efforts that I put in and not the rewards that come from the task.

Basically the happier I will be at every win I have will depend on how much I worked for the wins and not how lucky I get. 

The realization is there but I don't know how much of a difference it will bring in the way I get on with my business. I sure hope I take my own advice and take it well.

tata