The classes will starts soon and we are already being made aware of the hell that we will have to face one once they do. "Time is sacrosanct" they say. But really I miss my people.
I don't know whether to feel elated or to dejected. I am here. Doing exactly what I have been thinking about up until now. Yet I have the feeling of melancholy. I used to wonder what the word really means . Now I think I understand how it feels.
There is a fear that I will not measure up to the standards. Not the standards of the college - those are a different concern, I mean the standards and expectations that I have of myself once I am here. The things that I wish to learn and the things that I wish to do. The person I want to become. All this haunts me even as I write this piece.
I started cleaning my room today. I say this with great emphasis because I have never ventured towards any activity remotely close to it. I bought wipes and cleaning liquid from the mall and cleaned my laptop. These are crazy things if you view it from my side of the lens. I have never done such things or cared for them. And doing them will not really change much but I believe it is a declaration to myself. That things will be different now. That I will not push those boundaries which till now I had left to chance. This time I will do the ones that I keep letting pass. They are tall claims only as of now. Maybe that was the reason I was forced to go down and start cleaning my room. As a proof to my doubting self that I will let this enthusiasm fizzle out as well.
Each time I feel like keeping something for tomorrow a sneer comes from some where inside. Something taunts me saying that I am slipping to the old ways. Who is this? Is it me? I don't know. I don't care. As of now I want to do all of what I have always wanted to do but never really got around to doing. I just feel that this time it will be done. I will do it.
But I have, perhaps, felt like this before. A sneer shoots out again.
Lets see.
I don't know whether to feel elated or to dejected. I am here. Doing exactly what I have been thinking about up until now. Yet I have the feeling of melancholy. I used to wonder what the word really means . Now I think I understand how it feels.
There is a fear that I will not measure up to the standards. Not the standards of the college - those are a different concern, I mean the standards and expectations that I have of myself once I am here. The things that I wish to learn and the things that I wish to do. The person I want to become. All this haunts me even as I write this piece.
I started cleaning my room today. I say this with great emphasis because I have never ventured towards any activity remotely close to it. I bought wipes and cleaning liquid from the mall and cleaned my laptop. These are crazy things if you view it from my side of the lens. I have never done such things or cared for them. And doing them will not really change much but I believe it is a declaration to myself. That things will be different now. That I will not push those boundaries which till now I had left to chance. This time I will do the ones that I keep letting pass. They are tall claims only as of now. Maybe that was the reason I was forced to go down and start cleaning my room. As a proof to my doubting self that I will let this enthusiasm fizzle out as well.
Each time I feel like keeping something for tomorrow a sneer comes from some where inside. Something taunts me saying that I am slipping to the old ways. Who is this? Is it me? I don't know. I don't care. As of now I want to do all of what I have always wanted to do but never really got around to doing. I just feel that this time it will be done. I will do it.
But I have, perhaps, felt like this before. A sneer shoots out again.
Lets see.
