Why is that I don’t remember the names of the people that I meet? Why do I sometimes forget the names of the people that I know? I think there is something wrong with the way I look at things. Which are the things that I should give more importance to? What is the importance of importance?
I don’t know.
There was a friend who used to say this line a lot. “I don’t know”. I used to ridicule her a lot for it. But now I think it was only natural to feel uncertain about things. But that is not the topic of this post.
What is bothering me is that am I giving the right kind of importance to the right things? Maybe what I am thinking is prioritization. But that is not the thing. Importance is something that we give to things because they are of importance to us. They mean something to us. They are of consequence to us. Sometimes there are things that are important but we don’t give them the same.
I was introduced to some 10 people today. I don’t remember a single person’s name. I don’t know why? I was my best with them. I was smiling and nodding and making all the right moves. But why don’t I remember their names. The most obvious answer is that I am not interested in them. I mean why should I be? They are going to be of no consequence in some time. They are factory people and I will be in sales. But that is not the right answer. How do I know? Well I just know. I know because I don’t think less of them. I don’t think that they are off no consequence. It’s just that……shit….I don’t have a good enough explanation. Maybe I am absent minded. That sounds nice. Like a professor or a mad scientist. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I know that the importance of importance has something to do with it. But what exactly is missing me.
I remember the people that are really important to me. The ones that I care for. The ones that I love. Then the ones that I keep forgetting are really the ones that I don’t care for. They are the ones that I don’t think are important. They are the ones that I don’t wish to keep in my world for long. They are here now….gone the next. But why am I so nice to the? Why do I smile at their comments? Why do I sometimes nod and say “Hmmm” even when I miss the point they are trying to make? Am I a hypocrite? Sheesh…the mere feeling is poisonous. I am sitting in this swanky apartment – the company guest house in Gurgaon…and trying to figure out if I am a lying cheat coz that is exactly what I will be. Can people tell? Can they tell that I don’t really mean it? But how can they when even I am not sure whether I mean it or not. I am myself not sure. I am all sincerity when I cat with them. Pretence is something that comes difficult to me because then I have to change so many things about the way I act that I fumble most of the times. No, I don’t think they can tell. That is because I don’t pretend. I am sincere in my reactions to them. Just that I do so out of courtesy and not out of real interest. That is the only possible explanation that I can think of right now. I am nice to them only because it is the right thing to be, not because I want to be. You know what? Even that makes me feel crummy.
Well then the importance of importance is that one should give it to the right people and the right things. And one should make sure that one is giving the importance to the thought of giving importance. I need to do some of what I just said. But like you must be thinking….I don’t know what I have been saying either.
The importance of importance….sounds good doesn’t it? Like something deep and wise!!
Maybe it is. I just need to figure it out….I have some time…I can do it. I will do it.
Later
tata
