Parents trust the kids that fight back!!

Yes, that is what I believe.

The kids that fight with their parents on opinions and actions are the ones that the parents trust more than the ones who are obedient. Take this case:

Ram and Shyam - 2 brothers, not necessarily the same age. They have the same set of parents but they both react to them differently and similarly get different treatment. So there is Ram - Always the good son. Always does as he is told and follows all rules and regulations. He gets the best marks and never struggles with studies. He always seeks permission and never does anything wrong. When he does something that is against his parents wishes or he feels that it might be against his parents wishes, he is immeasurably full of contrition and is compelled to tell and apologizes to his parents. All who know him wish that their kid was more like Ram. His parents are awfully proud if him. He is their darling.

Case 2: Shyam. He is the rebel. He always fights over opinions and issues. He wants to know why before he goes ahead and obeys an order. He asks for reasons and fights over explanations. He gets into fights at school and struggles with his grades. He is not regular with anything and seems to have a mind of his own. Constantly going against his parents wishes and having his own way. All this comes with mixed results. Sometimes he makes it, sometimes he doesn't. He goes and does stuff that his parents would go bonkers about - drinking, hanging out with new people and what not. All in all a kid who becomes an example for other parents when they are scolding their kid, terrorizing them that they will turn into Shyam if they do not mend their ways.

Both these kids grow up. What happens then? Which of the 2 will the parents trust more?

The question is not whom will they love more. That would have been easy. The question is whom will they trust more. Who will they be less worried about when they are not around them? and who will they have more faith in when the 2 go into the world of their own?

My answer is  - Shyam.

Why? I will tell you why.

The next time Shyam comes home drunk or the parents find out that there is a party that they are going to where there will be drinks - They will leave Shyam to his devices and get all on Ram. He afterall is the good kid - the one who does not know the ropes. He will get hurt. He will make a mistake. Shyam has been around the block a few times. He can handle himself. The mother will find herself telling Shyam to take care of Ram, irrespective of who is elder to whom.

They decide to make an unconventional career decision - Who will they trust more? Ram? The one who has forever lived in the shadow of his parents? forever holding their hands. Will they trust him to go on his own and make his own decisions? Or will they trust Shyam? The rebel who has always done things on his own and well he is still standing and has not gotten himself killed. The father will find himself having more faith in Shyam.

Who will these parents trust to hold the fort when they are no longer able to be the power house of the family? When they are weak and are no longer able to stand making all the decisions and providing all the needs? They will still supply advice and safe-guard Ram and turn to Shyam for advice.

The reason is simple. Shyam is the self made man. The one who made the mistakes, learnt from them, made some more and is still standing after all this. Ram has never made a decision on his own. He might have no need of his parents hand holding any more but they will never believe it. He will always remain the good son but Shyam will be the one on whom they will depend.

Don't think so? Sit and think it over. You will see what I am saying.

Later

Life promises to be like this...

I am sitting in the middle of the night writing a blog post. I can't sleep. Have not been able to do so for a few weeks now. I don't sleep all night and then wake up all tired and ruin my day. And it promises to stay that way for some time. On an aside note: It is giving me immense pleasure just typing right now. I don't know why but it is. But getting back to the subject - Life sucks and I am just not liking it.

I want to be on a exotic island right now. Dressed in Hula shirts and looking at beauties diving into the swimming pool right next to the table I am sitting on. I look around and see an old friend in the distance. She is wearing a cute halter top and flowers in her hair. She sees me and comes over to my table. We are surprised seeing the other there. She is here on business and I am here for pleasure. We talk and laugh about the good old days when I was a klutz and she was a geek. "I still am", I tell her. "I am sure somethings have changed", she says with a twinkle in her eyes. I look back questioningly and she stares right back but only for a brief moment, then shies away from my gaze.

Thats as far as I can go dreaming away and avoiding the fact that I am sitting on my table typing away at a dirty keyboard and wishing that I was somewhere else....damn!!

Later!!!

Talking to girls

I like talking to girls. I need to talk to girls. Coz if I don't I completely lose it.

Might come as a surprise admission but it is the truth. I need to talk to girls. Now one might get the impression that I need to flirt with them or I need to get some "female tonic in" as some call it but that is far from the truth. I need to talk to girls like I need to talk to women like I need to talk to a female. It's all in the mind.

A woman is not a women just from the physical sense. She is woman in the mind too. We read so much about the effect of women in politics or in management or how women do well in some domains than men but we never stop to think that they don't do all that through their bodies - so how are they different? Their mind ofcourse!! So you see, that is what I need from time to time or I lose it.

My thinking is very male. I can imagine people liking that statement. We all try to think we are all male and we got the fighting instinct and there is nothing with some one who is too male. But you see I feel that there is something missing if your thinking is all male. Because then you are always thinking like a man does- you wanna fight all the time, you want to break things and change things and everything seems too simple to be giving you so much trouble and you can't figure out what the hell is wrong. All this time a woman probably is thinking of the other side - coexist instead of fight, mend and grow instead of break, develop things instead of change things and figure out what is wrong with the self before what is wrong with the other. I am not saying that women have it all down. No!! Hell no!! If we all thought like women we would get nothing done. We will keep brooding and try to make peace with stuff that is outright so wrong that it should be done away immediately. Thats why a balance is needed and my thinking is too male.

I can't live with a problem. I have trouble coexisting. I am not talking about a troublesome colleague or a bad. I am talking with issues in the mind. I can't turn my head away from something that is vexing me. I need to get it over with and only then can I get along with anything else. This comes in the way of living coz well we never find the solution of anything right away. You need to wait. Some things take time. I need to talk to women so that I can see some of what they are thinking. A little of what goes on in their head. I am not saying that there is a direct effect on the way I think or the way I feel but something somewhere gets a balance and well it clicks sometimes. Sometimes is good enough for me.

Thats why I need to talk to women from time to time else, hell, I lose it!!

Cheers man

Times are getting heavier

No danger signs yet. All is still well. Dark clouds and sunny skies are both as probable. And here I stand not knowing what to expect more than the other. Life is hitting me with the 'what's coming next' times. The dates for my judgement are coming close and I can feel it there. My breath is heavy and my brow is clouded. Everything I do and every direction I look - I see uncertainty. My friend told me these days will come. My mentor reminded me the same. I told myself that I will handle them all and now I am doubting the same resolve. These storms they will come for sure. What will remain standing is the question? I will survive it. I am sure. But what will remain with me. Will I have lost it all and have to start all over again? Will I have gained it all and be compelled to laugh at all my worries? Will I again be at crossroads with an option that I am not completely sure about? Which one will it be?

If history is any indication then it will be the one in the middle. I will be left with an option that will again leave more questions in my mind. What good is this option? Will it be the right thing to do? Should I take it? And the Life of Blundering Conqueror starts again.

Right now I am so scared that I don't even know if I want that to change. What if the change is worse than the present? I hate being scared. I is better than feeling helpless but still.

Courage my heart! Courage for all the hard work that has been done. Courage for all the work that is yet to be done. Courage for the sunny skies that might still come after the storm. Courage Courage Courage.

Life is a card game

I keep making these analogies - not to make things different but to make them simpler. Life is so complicated, so immensely mysterious and than anything less complex if made to simulate it will make things easier to understand.

It can be thought as Chess - Where there are pieces (Resources or chances) that you develop and expect reactions from the opponent (Life or another competitor) and then their is the positioning of the pieces and what not.

I was thinking, how about cards? You have to guess what the others are holding? Where do you stand with respect to the players at hand? Then there is the environment that you are playing in - that can be thought as the cards that are on the table. What you have in hand is worth something only in tandem with what is there on the table. No card or skill or asset can be valued the same in all situations. So is life more like a card game?

If it was so, what should we learn from it?


Never show your hand? Yes maybe. This is one of the things that can be learnt from the card game. Never show your hand. Keep some of those cards up your sleeve. Some place where the other players won't suspect.

Leave the best for the last? Or should you? Why not open with the best card? Well you need something to get you out of trouble once you get into it and no matter what the trouble is you better be able to pull something out that will kick them all. Start with something solid, perhaps even something weak. Look carefully what the others are playing. What are the cards they playing? What are the cards they holding back? Look at their faces - What do they have? Friend of foe does not matter. Must have a knack to catch the 'tell' - the sign that the other is bluffing.

Know when to fold? The most important of them all maybe. To know when to stop and look elsewhere. To know when to cut your losses. To know when there is nothing more that can be gotten be striving away at whatever you are at. One must know when to hold and and when to fold. When to keep going with those puny cards that you have. When to fold even when you have Kings and Queens looking up at you. One must always know, or want to learn how to.

Bluffing? Well this world would be a better place if there was no deceit. But in a world where deceit is an ability on which you play - you better know how to bluff. You better know how to fend off those animals when they come growling to take away what is yours. All you are holding are a pair of twos but stare on hard at them. Show them the whites of your eyes. Tell them you have what it takes to take on them. Bring it on. And they will melt away into the darkness.
 Or, lure towards you the bully you know you can squeeze the beans out off. Play coy, play dumb. Don't let them know the cards you are holding. Spring the trap just when they let their guard down. That is the reward for being ever so vigilant and their punishment for thinking less of you. Know well when to use what and yes, know how to bluff.





That they all go back to the same deck? Something that is more apt with the chess set but can be borrowed for the card game as well. In Chess, after the game the king and the pawns all go back into the same box. In the card game they all return to the same deck. In the end they are all the same and even perhaps in the game - the one beats the king but may be beaten by the two.

If only life was that simple!! But if one remembers the directions....some games may very well be saved....even won!!

Later

Awesome Awesome Awesome !!!

This is what my friend wrote above the Facebook post where I found this video. listen to it. Play it and let it buffer. Everytime you hit the point where it stops to buffer - replay the damn thing. Listen to it as many times as you can. I have just now listened to it one whole time. I don't know how many times I am going to listen to it again. A few times definitely. Do that and then repost or resend to some of the people that you care about. Just the ones who will care for the fact that you cared. The others might think it stupid and overbearing on your part. Let them hopefully receive this from some one they trust - it will be more effective then. Well I don't know - I am sharing it out with them all anyways.

Go on listen to it now. Don't let the music in the middle fool you - there is more towards the end.

Cheers