In the beginning this post did not have a title. As I write it, I don't know what the content will be. As I pause to frame the next line, I have no idea the direction it will take. Knowing the end of it all is a much far out point. This is the manner in which I live much of my life.
There is a difference in the manner in which I am writing today though. The sentences are formed in my mind before I type them in and even then I am repeatedly erasing the phrases and then re-writing them as I deem better.Just now I re-read the passage and corrected a few grammatical mistakes. I am not trying to gloat over my writing skills, they are not much to speak off, what I am saying is that there is a definite change in the way I am trying to lead my life. Or there is a desire to do so.
I believe that a man or a person leads his or her life in a manner similar to his or her personality. An adventurous man will always be found among adventurous surroundings, eating adventurous food and draped in similar slightly 'out of the ordinary' clothing. The same goes for the conformist and similarly for the safe player. He plays it safe in all matters of life. Writing, in my opinion, is one of the most reflective of them all.
I believe I read somewhere that the handwriting of a person can indicate the mood he is in, that an expert can also derive some of the person's personality traits from it as well. Digital records, typing, rids the observer from these indicators. But what I am speaking of is the manner of writing, the style in which the work is executed. That can still be derived from records such as the one being written or typed at present. I am not an expert in this but since I am only trying to read my own state of mind, I think my knowledge and experience of myself will be expertise enough.
When I say that I begin my sentences with no idea as to how to end them, what I am really saying is that I never know how things are going to end when I start them. Today things are different. Right now things are different. I have re-read and corrected the above piece twice already. I never do that. My writings are more of a rambling. Tenses and persons changing as I move from one topic to another. The focus moving in circles trying to settle down upon the main point but more often than not getting lost all-together in the supporting matter. That aspect, I am afraid, has not changed even now. One change though are the corrections. Even for that, I have to make considerable effort to go back and re-read the sentence to correct them, giving the correction precedence over continuing further into the matter. That perhaps is the latest change in my persona- reflection and correction thereafter.
It is still not natural for me to do so, therefore the considerable effort that I have to make to suppress the urge to go on plowing ahead into the matter. I am trying very hard to make my decisions with more thought out and go back and make corrections wherever I can. It is not easy because I have never been the careful type. But I believe that I am at a point in my career where being so becomes highly imperative.Third time I re-read it. I am sure there are a number of mistakes still but my efforts to remove them must shine clearly by now.
Aah for the days when I could be reckless and not care what came of it. But the change might be for the better. I have already begun to plan out the sentences before I type them out. The trend suggests that I should reach the point where I will be planning entire passages for beginning to write them. Perhaps the same can be said about the way I live my life from now on. The trick will be to be able to make corrections in real life as well - That I am afraid is not as simple as making an effort for it. But then more about that in some other post.
tata
