I haven't started living...!!

That's what I have been told. That's what I have been proved.

I have yet to start living. And here is why:

Whatever we do in our early lives is something that is decided by other people. They decide how we should dress and how we should speak. They even decide our early choices of clothes we wear and the people we like. Why are we supposed to like someone. If we don't we are told we are naughty and that we must respect some people but why we must respect them is never explained. At some time during our teenage we start to fight back and ask questions. This starts the age of rebellion. We start fighting against the rules that our parents and our guardians made but what do we start following instead??? We follow what the world starts telling us. Jeans are cool!! Body piercing is cool!!! Having a girlfriend is cool!! It is never that we start liking these things. We are told that we will not fit in if we don't like doing these things. Rock music and bikes....these are the new rules. And the ones without it are outcasts. They are the naughty ones.....the blacklisted ones...coz they don't follow the rules....the rules of the world.

The same rules change as we grow older. This is where lines like - "Act your age" come from. What do they mean by "Act your age"? Where is it written how you should act in a particular age? and why should we believe that? They are after all rules...!!

Till the time we have rules and till the time we have deadlines...we are not really alive. Why? I will tel you why.

If a person is alive and can make no decision then is he really alive? He is not. There is no difference between his existing or not existing ....even to himself. The same man can have involuntary reflexes...they don't make him alive either. He does not decide to flinch when he is pricked. If he stays calm and does not react - that is a conscious decision and a conscious effort.

So we come to us in real life. What decisions do we make? To get up in the morning? and do our daily business? And then to go to office, work our asses off, scold our kids, tell them to behave, walk the streets, shout at the errant biker who came in your way when you were jumping the red-light....!!
But are these really decisions? No they are not. They are involuntary reactions just as the flinching is when we are pricked. They do not take any decision making power or even thought. They happen on there own. It is only a decision if it takes some deciding to do it. When some thought and some control and some action goes into it which goes against the contrary. That makes it a decision. When is the last time you made a decision?

So I  have been told that I am not yet alive. That I have not done anything worth calling a decision. That everything I have done is only an involuntary action that was the most logical according to the world that we live in. Nothing is really my own creation.

That's what I have been told. I don't like to believe it. But I can't refute it. Can you?

Later.