The people I was drinking with are sleeping in the room that I am writing this entry. They whiskey hit him harder that it hit me.
It was an eventful night. A whole lot more than just some new year celebration happened. Especially with the 2 people snoring away in tandem in the bed right in front of me.
I have a funny pain in the left side of my abdomen and Goutam said it was indigestion. Thank god for that. I thought that the whiskey was hitting my liver instead of my brain.
It all started with the drinking in the room. When some one found out that a something very close to their heart has been taken away from them. There was always an expectation that something like that would happen but it still hurt like hell. And there was a message from some one to some one and that was too very unexpected yet desired but it could have happened and was perrhaps not the best things to be.
I am tired.
The whiskey seems to have taken offence when I said that it was useless as it was not affecting me one bit. It has started hitting my head like .....I dont know...something very persistant and very hard. I might not be able to say all that I want to say....But I will try my best.
What is Love? How much is it worth?
These are the questions that were on the table tonight. I also had a friend....a sceptic, and for no unnecessary reason...was also there. He lamented the fact as to how a women can be so much of a puzzle and the doubt as to whether she was worth all the trouble.
My drinking partner just found about his loss. He knew it was a long time coming and he took it like a man. But there is only so much that a man can do or take.....
The whiskey took control or loosened some from his....and he said it all....
The loss of this kind can really tear a person apart. Can break the strongest of people. Such is the power or the deceit of love. The sceptic was feeling glad that he had fallen in the trap long before he had learned the cruel ways in which the world worked. That he was stupid when he fell in love and that he was a much smarter person now. But I say.....who can fight with somrthing like love.
"My life is over" is somthing so easily said. But to say it a person needs to go through an immense amount of pain. It is like accepting defeat. A man does that only when he feels he cannot win.....or does not want to win.
I saw 2 of my friends say or feel the same way tonight. Maybe not a very good way to start the year....but certainly a promising start. For no matter what it is.... a strong event such as this will always result in a reaction. It is not a simple little fluctuation in the regular scheme of things that will frustrate you with its uslessness. It will have results. Whether they are good or bad will depend on the people who they are concerned with.
And I remain.....
The whiskey did not do its part. I was to be drunk to the extent that my speech would slur and I would have difficulty in speaking properly. I know then that I am drunk.
That did not happen....so I remain unchanged. Only now the alcohol seems to be reaching my head. I have loved. But I seek the same or perhaps more in some other person now.
Does that mean that I was not trully in love with her? I don' know. I don't think so.
I loved her. But now that is in the past and I want to find that love again. And I will do that.
I will atleast try.
Because that is all that I can do. And if I think that I will lose in doing that, by implication it means that there is no purpose for me now. And if I think that I will succeed in doing that, by implication it means that I will succeed in overcoming in whatever I face right now.
I like it believe that my reasoning is correct. That is what keeps me on.
Avery good year to all of you out there....and to my friends who have found themselves in a very tricky situation in the very beginning of the year.
See you later then....
tata
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