Every single one I met was different from the one before. And, I am ashamed to say this, I hardly appreciated what they were to me.
From the very beginning when I was a child I wanted to have a Best Friend. Some one who will always be there for me and I will always be there for him. Yes, then it was a guy I saw in that position. I used to think that we would have houses next to each other and life would be great. Or so I think I used to think. Come 3rd Std and I figured that only a girl could figure in that role. I was still confused about it all but it just seemed right. At the time it was a cute south Indian gal whose plaits I used to pull all the time - even called her "Chonti". As the years went by I guess all the best friend stuff got discarded and the Girlfriend concept came into being. I was in 9th Std and I still found the entire concept funny - Interesting but funny. By the time I actually accidentally fell in a relationship - Some one pointed it out to us that we were going around, we looked at each other grinned and said -"Yeah, I guess we are" - I should have figured out what I just figured out now, a few days back, 9 years after when I should have.
I have always been late in this race. This maturity continuum. I have always been behind the times when compared to ordinary population. I wrote in a previous post about this. So basically what I am saying is that I now know what I should have known 9 years before now. What is this new revelation - I will say now.
A girl does not need to be everything. She does not need to be perfect in everything. She does not need to be right every time. For that matter any type of absolute simple need not be.
Seems pretty simple does it not. I could have reasoned this out earlier. But what used to elude me all this while was that it does not need to be Girl. It can be Girls.
Yes, Girls with an "S". Plural. Not one but many.
I wanted all the girls in one girl and that simply was asking for too much. I am not all the guys in one guy, then how can I ask for a girl who is just right for everything.
Ok, Ok, wait!!
I am not saying that I am against monogamy. What I am saying is slightly more grown up than that. Not that polygamy is childish. I am completely for it as long as it does not hurt people. But we digress....
What I am trying to say is that I pushed away every single girl away from me one way or another because I wanted it all from them. They were perfect friends, confidants, advisors and sometimes just good time pass buddies. But I wanted them to be all this, all the time and in all circumstances. It seemed to make sense at that time. Well, the one I will finally live my life with, should be like that. And hopefully I will be all that to her, all the time. Damn, I was so naive.
I have a very good friend. I have know her more more than a decade now, we were not that close all this time - we have become so only now, and she has always been supportive towards me. She was always there when I needed someone to pick me up from those long periods of depression that I get sometimes. She would always call back. She was just perfect.
She was a perfect friend. One fine day- I asked her to marry me.
She did not know whether I was serious or joking. I don't blame her. I did not know If I was serious or joking.
She was not sure which of the two she wanted. I did not know which of the two I wanted.
For the sake of conversation we kept talking about it - This was all happening on phone.
She asked me why I wanted to marry her, and I told her. That she had been there for me all this time, and I have been there for her all this time, she loved being with me, I loved being with her. She loved confiding in me, I loved confiding in her. Even she was convinced that we were perfect for each other. But something was missing and even I knew it.
Its becoming too long a post - will put the rest in the next one...
tata
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