Thinking on the train

I was boxed in the side upper berth in an overnight train to Indore and had nothing better to do, so I started thinking (Isn't it strange that we do this activity only when we have nothing else to do). Just now ....I can't remember what it was. There was some reference to people being hypocrites and ...yes....how to be happy and remain so. Better I write about the second part.

The question is - Will I ever be happy? To answer this one has to hazard the even worse question - What is happiness? I was speaking to my cousin the same time and he told me that he was already living the life that I was working towards. He means to say that he has some idea as to the life that I want. I wonder how? When I myself am clueless about it. I suppose he meant that he was carefree and that he wanted things to slow down. It is a feeling that I had also wished for for quite some time. I wanted things to take a break. Wanted to stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of all that hard work or patience or whatever that has been happening till now. Some place in time and space where I can close my eyes and not be afraid that I might oversleep. That I can wake up whenever I wake up and it would make no difference. But that time never came. It was one test after another. Something was always passing me by. Someone was always getting ahead of me. If there was no one to compete, there was always your own aspirations. It was a constant race. For my cousin that race has stopped, temporarily he agrees. Why do I not envy him then? This is what I had always wanted. Or is it?

It is not completely true. But then hardly anything is. I had always wished this break for myself but lately I have had reason to believe that such a break will only make me more anxious and stir crazy. You know the feeling you get when you are on a holiday and there is no place to go. Or when you have some time on your hand and there is nothing good on TV. That is the feeling I get when I stand still.

I have given up the hopes and desires for an Audi and a yacht and a house the size of Marlinespike. But I am still on for the good life and the pleasures in it. A job that makes me wake up early in the morning and go to work when I feel otherwise, does not figure in it. My cousin's world may be suspended in a time where things are not moving too fast for him to notice, but they are moving still the same. There will soon be a time when he has to say "Enough" and move on to the next test. I wish for a life where there is nothing else to prove. No more tests.

And in all this there is the need of having someone to share it with. Watching the sunrise is so much more fun when someone squeezes your hand as the first rays hit you. Ignoring the call you don't want to pick is not the same if there is no one you can pass a impish smile to as you put the phone on silent. Trouble is finding some one with the same definition of paradise as you. So the search continues and therefore the tests continue.

Sighhhhhhh........

Well at least it is a little fun....!!

Later

Is it you or is it this feeling....

I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. I see a photograph and see only you and no other in it. I wanted to feel like this once again, even at pain of heart break, is this it? I feel joy, I want you to feel it. I feel pain, I want you to know of it. I feel ecstasy, I want you to be part of it. Is it you who is making me feel this or is it just my want to feel this way?

I want to hear caramel laced songs of longing, is this how I truly feel? I hear of someone else's happiness and I think of you. Is it the happiness I crave or is it you? I want to tell you how I feel, but then, feel like you are the last person I will ever let know. I laugh at my stupidity and then smile guiltily for the feelings in my heart.

Who are you but a random stranger whom I have come to know? Why is it that you pull at my heart when I know that it might all end in nothing?

Do you feel the same way about me?

Food for thought

Make a sample where you can remember tasks and matter easily.

options:

1) Write in the left palm

2) keep a paper in the pocket

3) Keep things in the mind

4) Keep a regularly sent email - that keeps detailed to do list - with future , firefighting and otherwise stuff

One can be that we make sure that we keep that list on palm, page or other places but make sure that the first attempt is made to remember from the mind. then check on the paper or email or palm.

There should be a constant effort to remember from the mind and then check from the reminder thingy.

Food for thought

Points:

1) we put our complete efforts only when we see a future in that effort.

When I am preparing for FPM interviews - I am thinking that I must learn statistical methods. I don't feel motivated because I know that it will have an effect only till the interviews. So eventually I will fail to put in as much muscle as I can.

What to do?

Think long - This preparation is not only limited to my interviews - these are statistical methods - these will help me later on in my research as well. Even if they do not help in the research they will help in my understandings of other research.

When I decide to work on something that will help me in the future - I will be able to put in my 100%.
I should also think that this preparation will help me in short time preparations in my career as well. This will help me in cases where I have to prepare something in a short time.

So everything that needs to be done must be done with some thought behind it. Else I can never put in my max. If I am put in my max - I need to reason with my mind as to how it will help me - even if the result is futile - the exercise alone should have some effect.


More on this as the idea evolves......


Question2

Why is it that whenever I am sad, I feel like speaking with someone?
It is not that I always look for support or for sympathy. Then why do I feel like this. Is it weakness?
And if at all - should I give in to it??

If I stop, will I be alone and cut off from society? Will that be a bad thing?

To change a person

How do you change a person?

Even before you start asking this question you need to ask many more to build up enough structure to go on and ask how a person can be changed. Should you change a person? Can you change a person? Can a person change for real?

I know that I have changed. I cannot think in the manner I used to look at the world before. Is this permanent or will this too fade with time? I believe that the mindset of a person is always in a state of change. It continually moves from one side to another, waxing or waning in different regards. So do I have reason enough believe that change can happen and that too through my hands?

I have just been told that change can come only from interaction and not from convincing someone. I believe that. There is no way I can change someone's mind by arguing with the person. It makes no sense doing this. There is no way someone with any ounce of self-respect would change his long term thoughts and ideas over a few minutes of strong willed arguments. It has to come in some what of a more subtle manner. A continuous transmission of ideas and experiences. A constant flow of discussions and exchanges. And letting go of the illusion of control that I can affect a change. I can instead only be part of the larger scheme of things....the way on which the person in question decides to change himself. I can really only be an actor in the process....

If you ask me.....I am happy being just that. For the time being....!!

Later then

Clarity of things

My friend says that she will get married soon. I am sad because she refuses to become what is her possibility.

Who am I to decide who she wants to be. I have yet to decide what I want to be....what I can be....what I should be...!! I don't even know what these mean or how they differ. There is a small sadness in me when this happens to the people next to me. Another friend sank low enough to give in pressures of the expectations of people. Am I pained at their loss or am I pained at the reflection of my own inability that I see in them.

Perhaps it is my inability and my desperation that I project on to these people and that they are in themselves happy as they are. Or perhaps...I see and they don't....!!
In either case control eludes me.

Long time no see

The last few days have been very trying. A heady cocktail of emotions, occasional drama and in the end the same familiar feeling of hope mixed with brooding despair. Got some news about friends getting married and some news about colleges telling me I was no good for them. Discovered that I can play chess and that I can beat some of the computer players as long as they are deliberately sloppy. Found out that women are as fickle as they are depicted in the novels and that every relationship boils down to being a power game. I discovered that I am severely uneducated and that as long as I can maintain the facade of being a know all, bald headed hep teacher....I can keep making a decent amount of money....that I will still not be happy. Started feeling like I used to feel back in 10th, invincible.....and at the same time realized how less I know of my limits and my possibilities. Started losing weight or inches...pants are getting loose, but finding out that I look still the same.

I wonder what else will happen in the next few days......I can't even say I don't want them to happen yet...I am afraid as to what might....!!

Till later folks....

tata

The search for meaning continues.....

I tried learning how to play the guitar. I tried to become fit. I tried to become smart. I tried to become educated. I even tried my hand at trying to become a ladies man. All in the search of a meaning to myself.

Honestly speaking, I am not happy at the present state of affairs. Or should I say that I am not content with it. I have a vision of where they might lead to and a hope that I will be happy then. But time and past experiences have taught me that I these events in the moving have never made me truly happy. The feeling evaporates after those precious few moments when you achieve something that you had feared you might lose, just a moment ago.

I once told myself that I will be happy traveling through the length of my life enjoying whatever happiness came along the way. I still want to believe it. But sometimes I ask whether it truly is happiness or am I just telling myself that it is. The cook did not come today. I heated the dal from yesterday and scooped out a little of the cold dish from day before yesterday. I toasted some bread and sat down to eat all this with coriander chutney. I ate like a king. There was some charm to the heating of the dal and the simplicity of the preparation and the fact that a no-gooder like me could now find my way in the kitchen. I felt like a King. Then I promplty went back to working on my college applications which would then get me accepted in a good school which would then give me a career which would then give me time and money which would then let me sit down on an idle afternoon and eat dal and bread and chutney in peace. What the hell is going on? Why can't I just have dal and bread and chutney and give up on the applications and the career and the hard work?

I think the answer is somewhere in the feeling of getting there. Happiness of reaching somewhere would be useless without those moments when you feel that you are almost there. The fun of summer vacations must have started just a few days before the last day. The uneasy feeling and the yearning for the days to get over and the final bell and then HURRAAAYY....!!!! I always felt disappointed by the holiday activities but the build up to the last day of school was delicious. May be thats why we work so hard. Not to achieve but to feel that we are achieving. Somewhere it keeps up believing that we are getting some where and that things are getting better or getting closer to getting better.

I just hope these journeys keep happening.....!!!

The Focus of things.....!!

I think I will write today about focus. It is something that I don't possess so it becomes quite natural that I write about it. What is focus? And where should we have one or desire one?

There is a lot of talk about life having a focus and what not. I believe that I have not reached the stage where I can ponder over the focus of something as big as my life. Maybe I should better start with a moment or a thought or an action.

Lets start at something even more basic. What is focus? Focus is when actions, thoughts or events converge on a point. That point can be a goal or an object or thing. The idea here is that the focus of the actions, thoughts or events should always be clear before beginning for only then can we ensure that we will reduce redundancies and progress in the wrong direction. This piece began without a focus but is gathering some semblance of a focus now. Perhaps the focus of it from the very beginning was to find focus.

Can we say then that the focus validates the actions, thoughts or events that converge on it. A random burst of   actions, thoughts or events can never accomplish anything. One instance of them cancels out another. Any shift due to their effect is possibly as random as the origin of these instances. So basically they result only in chaos. On the other hand if effort is made in aligning these thoughts, actions or events or picking and choosing the right instances of thoughts, actions and events according to the given focus then there is a greater chance that a shift in circumstances can be made in the pre-desired direction. It is important here that a random shift maybe result in a desirable change but it will seldom be the one that was pre-desired.

Our life consists of mostly these unfocused actions, thoughts and events. We are happy one instant and sad the other because we surrender to these random shifts of circumstances caused by the random bursts of actions, thoughts and events. And we end up calling them chance and fate and find relief in the acceptance that we were helpless.

Lets do an experiment. What if we spend the next moment with a focus. The first focus will be to find a focus and the next focus will be to gather targets for focus and so on. But all these actions will have a common focus to find some semblance of focus. So herein we discover that these actions, thoughts and events have multiple focuses. We are already making headway. We just found out a particularly interesting fact about focus and we had not pre-desired to find it. Yet we found it and we find this fact desirable. Where can this lead?

What if we try and keep finding focus in our work? We keep seconding those actions, thoughts, events that are not important to our focus. I am sure we will soon find a number of different focuses. Some more important than the others. Some immediate and some which can be deferred. Will all this result into something?

Lets find out.

Balance is essential

I was out partying for a couple of days. It was more like party one day and then recover from it the other day. And I deserved it. I had been working non stop for I don't know how long and even though there was a decent amount of play involved, I was really looking forward to some long and rejuvenating bit of rest. That was what happened the last two days and now I feel most unbalanced and completely reluctant to go back to work. It is as if I have just been through two extremes and I don't feel comfortable going to either of them now. So what went wrong? I lost balance.

And not only did I over do one thing, I over did the reverse to make the problem worse. The right course of action was to slow down and not give it up completely. You can always modulate the speed in which you work but shutting down and then starting up again can really sap you! So here I am, unrested but gearing up to work from tomorrow on. Sigh!!!! 

Later...!!

I haven't started living...!!

That's what I have been told. That's what I have been proved.

I have yet to start living. And here is why:

Whatever we do in our early lives is something that is decided by other people. They decide how we should dress and how we should speak. They even decide our early choices of clothes we wear and the people we like. Why are we supposed to like someone. If we don't we are told we are naughty and that we must respect some people but why we must respect them is never explained. At some time during our teenage we start to fight back and ask questions. This starts the age of rebellion. We start fighting against the rules that our parents and our guardians made but what do we start following instead??? We follow what the world starts telling us. Jeans are cool!! Body piercing is cool!!! Having a girlfriend is cool!! It is never that we start liking these things. We are told that we will not fit in if we don't like doing these things. Rock music and bikes....these are the new rules. And the ones without it are outcasts. They are the naughty ones.....the blacklisted ones...coz they don't follow the rules....the rules of the world.

The same rules change as we grow older. This is where lines like - "Act your age" come from. What do they mean by "Act your age"? Where is it written how you should act in a particular age? and why should we believe that? They are after all rules...!!

Till the time we have rules and till the time we have deadlines...we are not really alive. Why? I will tel you why.

If a person is alive and can make no decision then is he really alive? He is not. There is no difference between his existing or not existing ....even to himself. The same man can have involuntary reflexes...they don't make him alive either. He does not decide to flinch when he is pricked. If he stays calm and does not react - that is a conscious decision and a conscious effort.

So we come to us in real life. What decisions do we make? To get up in the morning? and do our daily business? And then to go to office, work our asses off, scold our kids, tell them to behave, walk the streets, shout at the errant biker who came in your way when you were jumping the red-light....!!
But are these really decisions? No they are not. They are involuntary reactions just as the flinching is when we are pricked. They do not take any decision making power or even thought. They happen on there own. It is only a decision if it takes some deciding to do it. When some thought and some control and some action goes into it which goes against the contrary. That makes it a decision. When is the last time you made a decision?

So I  have been told that I am not yet alive. That I have not done anything worth calling a decision. That everything I have done is only an involuntary action that was the most logical according to the world that we live in. Nothing is really my own creation.

That's what I have been told. I don't like to believe it. But I can't refute it. Can you?

Later.

The meaning of things

When does something mean something? When does an action mean something? When does a person mean something?
An object, person or action means something when its absence means something. Only then does it mean something to actually exist.
Any existence or action or words that make no difference should not be there at all. Because all they do really is take up space.

So why do them? Why say them? Why wear them? Why buy them?

===================================================================

Now lets say the same damn thing in the way that I usually write -

I was proof reading someone's application for graduate studies to US colleges when I came across a weak passage. I wanted to make it stronger. So I started adding lines. I always write in the same way I speak - in a round-about sing song explanatory way. I was mighty pleased with it and sent it out for a second round of proof reading. This is when I got shouted at. -

When will you grow up? When will you start making sense? When will you stop writing crap?
What is the meaning of this line here? Will it make a difference if I remove it? Will it take away some of the power from this writing piece if someone does that? What??......answer me? Then why did you write it?

There was a time when I let people walk all over me but that is definitely not the situation now, but this guy so gets to me all the time. Worse still.....he makes sense.

He removed the lines and dictated some other ones. Good ones. They were bad constructions and wrong grammatically but they made you sit up and take notice. They made a difference. They were good and my stylish round-about stuff was crap.

It proves one thing - No matter how stylish or correct or fashionable or proper something might be, if its absence does not make a difference, its presence means nothing.
And I have a feeling that the same goes for the things we do in real life as well. The same goes for relationships and our actions and our possessions and our feelings. If any of them did not make a difference by their absence......their presence means nothing.

My wish came true.....Damn!!!!

I haven't written for quite some time and it has been because someone whose opinion I value highly said that I was not writing anything of any value here. So I decided that I will put something in only when I have something that matters. But this post is really out of necessity because I need to send this shout out to the world.

My wish came true.....and I am so screwed because of that.

One crazy day I told myself that I wanted to fall in love. I told myself that it did not matter if there was no way it could come to anything or that I would end up heart broken. I just wanted to feel like it again. Coz I had shut myself up from that emotion for so long.

And then it happened.

It just happened. I am not even sure if it is really the real deal but there is something there and I don't know what it is. I am liking the way I am feeling though. There are butterflies in my stomach and I laugh at myself and at her. She is one weird little girl. And I have nothing common with her. But there is the hope of something. Maybe it truly is nothing that I have. Maybe we aren't really right for each other but there is the hope and really sometimes that alone is good enough.

So what do I feel for her. Honestly, I don't know. But I like the feeling of having a new friend. I know it makes no sense to expect anything from it but why not give in to those stupid feelings inside? Why not let go of reason for a while?

Tell you something? I already feel it going away from me. Even though I know the next time I speak to her I will feel the same way again. If nothing at all maybe it means that there is still hope for me. That I can still feel for someone again. That I can still fall in love. Maybe it is the universe's way of telling me that things are not as fixed as I kept thinking they were.

There is still hope. And there is still me. Lets see what happens....!!!

I really am crazy!!

Later

Parents trust the kids that fight back!!

Yes, that is what I believe.

The kids that fight with their parents on opinions and actions are the ones that the parents trust more than the ones who are obedient. Take this case:

Ram and Shyam - 2 brothers, not necessarily the same age. They have the same set of parents but they both react to them differently and similarly get different treatment. So there is Ram - Always the good son. Always does as he is told and follows all rules and regulations. He gets the best marks and never struggles with studies. He always seeks permission and never does anything wrong. When he does something that is against his parents wishes or he feels that it might be against his parents wishes, he is immeasurably full of contrition and is compelled to tell and apologizes to his parents. All who know him wish that their kid was more like Ram. His parents are awfully proud if him. He is their darling.

Case 2: Shyam. He is the rebel. He always fights over opinions and issues. He wants to know why before he goes ahead and obeys an order. He asks for reasons and fights over explanations. He gets into fights at school and struggles with his grades. He is not regular with anything and seems to have a mind of his own. Constantly going against his parents wishes and having his own way. All this comes with mixed results. Sometimes he makes it, sometimes he doesn't. He goes and does stuff that his parents would go bonkers about - drinking, hanging out with new people and what not. All in all a kid who becomes an example for other parents when they are scolding their kid, terrorizing them that they will turn into Shyam if they do not mend their ways.

Both these kids grow up. What happens then? Which of the 2 will the parents trust more?

The question is not whom will they love more. That would have been easy. The question is whom will they trust more. Who will they be less worried about when they are not around them? and who will they have more faith in when the 2 go into the world of their own?

My answer is  - Shyam.

Why? I will tell you why.

The next time Shyam comes home drunk or the parents find out that there is a party that they are going to where there will be drinks - They will leave Shyam to his devices and get all on Ram. He afterall is the good kid - the one who does not know the ropes. He will get hurt. He will make a mistake. Shyam has been around the block a few times. He can handle himself. The mother will find herself telling Shyam to take care of Ram, irrespective of who is elder to whom.

They decide to make an unconventional career decision - Who will they trust more? Ram? The one who has forever lived in the shadow of his parents? forever holding their hands. Will they trust him to go on his own and make his own decisions? Or will they trust Shyam? The rebel who has always done things on his own and well he is still standing and has not gotten himself killed. The father will find himself having more faith in Shyam.

Who will these parents trust to hold the fort when they are no longer able to be the power house of the family? When they are weak and are no longer able to stand making all the decisions and providing all the needs? They will still supply advice and safe-guard Ram and turn to Shyam for advice.

The reason is simple. Shyam is the self made man. The one who made the mistakes, learnt from them, made some more and is still standing after all this. Ram has never made a decision on his own. He might have no need of his parents hand holding any more but they will never believe it. He will always remain the good son but Shyam will be the one on whom they will depend.

Don't think so? Sit and think it over. You will see what I am saying.

Later

Life promises to be like this...

I am sitting in the middle of the night writing a blog post. I can't sleep. Have not been able to do so for a few weeks now. I don't sleep all night and then wake up all tired and ruin my day. And it promises to stay that way for some time. On an aside note: It is giving me immense pleasure just typing right now. I don't know why but it is. But getting back to the subject - Life sucks and I am just not liking it.

I want to be on a exotic island right now. Dressed in Hula shirts and looking at beauties diving into the swimming pool right next to the table I am sitting on. I look around and see an old friend in the distance. She is wearing a cute halter top and flowers in her hair. She sees me and comes over to my table. We are surprised seeing the other there. She is here on business and I am here for pleasure. We talk and laugh about the good old days when I was a klutz and she was a geek. "I still am", I tell her. "I am sure somethings have changed", she says with a twinkle in her eyes. I look back questioningly and she stares right back but only for a brief moment, then shies away from my gaze.

Thats as far as I can go dreaming away and avoiding the fact that I am sitting on my table typing away at a dirty keyboard and wishing that I was somewhere else....damn!!

Later!!!

Talking to girls

I like talking to girls. I need to talk to girls. Coz if I don't I completely lose it.

Might come as a surprise admission but it is the truth. I need to talk to girls. Now one might get the impression that I need to flirt with them or I need to get some "female tonic in" as some call it but that is far from the truth. I need to talk to girls like I need to talk to women like I need to talk to a female. It's all in the mind.

A woman is not a women just from the physical sense. She is woman in the mind too. We read so much about the effect of women in politics or in management or how women do well in some domains than men but we never stop to think that they don't do all that through their bodies - so how are they different? Their mind ofcourse!! So you see, that is what I need from time to time or I lose it.

My thinking is very male. I can imagine people liking that statement. We all try to think we are all male and we got the fighting instinct and there is nothing with some one who is too male. But you see I feel that there is something missing if your thinking is all male. Because then you are always thinking like a man does- you wanna fight all the time, you want to break things and change things and everything seems too simple to be giving you so much trouble and you can't figure out what the hell is wrong. All this time a woman probably is thinking of the other side - coexist instead of fight, mend and grow instead of break, develop things instead of change things and figure out what is wrong with the self before what is wrong with the other. I am not saying that women have it all down. No!! Hell no!! If we all thought like women we would get nothing done. We will keep brooding and try to make peace with stuff that is outright so wrong that it should be done away immediately. Thats why a balance is needed and my thinking is too male.

I can't live with a problem. I have trouble coexisting. I am not talking about a troublesome colleague or a bad. I am talking with issues in the mind. I can't turn my head away from something that is vexing me. I need to get it over with and only then can I get along with anything else. This comes in the way of living coz well we never find the solution of anything right away. You need to wait. Some things take time. I need to talk to women so that I can see some of what they are thinking. A little of what goes on in their head. I am not saying that there is a direct effect on the way I think or the way I feel but something somewhere gets a balance and well it clicks sometimes. Sometimes is good enough for me.

Thats why I need to talk to women from time to time else, hell, I lose it!!

Cheers man

Times are getting heavier

No danger signs yet. All is still well. Dark clouds and sunny skies are both as probable. And here I stand not knowing what to expect more than the other. Life is hitting me with the 'what's coming next' times. The dates for my judgement are coming close and I can feel it there. My breath is heavy and my brow is clouded. Everything I do and every direction I look - I see uncertainty. My friend told me these days will come. My mentor reminded me the same. I told myself that I will handle them all and now I am doubting the same resolve. These storms they will come for sure. What will remain standing is the question? I will survive it. I am sure. But what will remain with me. Will I have lost it all and have to start all over again? Will I have gained it all and be compelled to laugh at all my worries? Will I again be at crossroads with an option that I am not completely sure about? Which one will it be?

If history is any indication then it will be the one in the middle. I will be left with an option that will again leave more questions in my mind. What good is this option? Will it be the right thing to do? Should I take it? And the Life of Blundering Conqueror starts again.

Right now I am so scared that I don't even know if I want that to change. What if the change is worse than the present? I hate being scared. I is better than feeling helpless but still.

Courage my heart! Courage for all the hard work that has been done. Courage for all the work that is yet to be done. Courage for the sunny skies that might still come after the storm. Courage Courage Courage.

Life is a card game

I keep making these analogies - not to make things different but to make them simpler. Life is so complicated, so immensely mysterious and than anything less complex if made to simulate it will make things easier to understand.

It can be thought as Chess - Where there are pieces (Resources or chances) that you develop and expect reactions from the opponent (Life or another competitor) and then their is the positioning of the pieces and what not.

I was thinking, how about cards? You have to guess what the others are holding? Where do you stand with respect to the players at hand? Then there is the environment that you are playing in - that can be thought as the cards that are on the table. What you have in hand is worth something only in tandem with what is there on the table. No card or skill or asset can be valued the same in all situations. So is life more like a card game?

If it was so, what should we learn from it?


Never show your hand? Yes maybe. This is one of the things that can be learnt from the card game. Never show your hand. Keep some of those cards up your sleeve. Some place where the other players won't suspect.

Leave the best for the last? Or should you? Why not open with the best card? Well you need something to get you out of trouble once you get into it and no matter what the trouble is you better be able to pull something out that will kick them all. Start with something solid, perhaps even something weak. Look carefully what the others are playing. What are the cards they playing? What are the cards they holding back? Look at their faces - What do they have? Friend of foe does not matter. Must have a knack to catch the 'tell' - the sign that the other is bluffing.

Know when to fold? The most important of them all maybe. To know when to stop and look elsewhere. To know when to cut your losses. To know when there is nothing more that can be gotten be striving away at whatever you are at. One must know when to hold and and when to fold. When to keep going with those puny cards that you have. When to fold even when you have Kings and Queens looking up at you. One must always know, or want to learn how to.

Bluffing? Well this world would be a better place if there was no deceit. But in a world where deceit is an ability on which you play - you better know how to bluff. You better know how to fend off those animals when they come growling to take away what is yours. All you are holding are a pair of twos but stare on hard at them. Show them the whites of your eyes. Tell them you have what it takes to take on them. Bring it on. And they will melt away into the darkness.
 Or, lure towards you the bully you know you can squeeze the beans out off. Play coy, play dumb. Don't let them know the cards you are holding. Spring the trap just when they let their guard down. That is the reward for being ever so vigilant and their punishment for thinking less of you. Know well when to use what and yes, know how to bluff.





That they all go back to the same deck? Something that is more apt with the chess set but can be borrowed for the card game as well. In Chess, after the game the king and the pawns all go back into the same box. In the card game they all return to the same deck. In the end they are all the same and even perhaps in the game - the one beats the king but may be beaten by the two.

If only life was that simple!! But if one remembers the directions....some games may very well be saved....even won!!

Later

Awesome Awesome Awesome !!!

This is what my friend wrote above the Facebook post where I found this video. listen to it. Play it and let it buffer. Everytime you hit the point where it stops to buffer - replay the damn thing. Listen to it as many times as you can. I have just now listened to it one whole time. I don't know how many times I am going to listen to it again. A few times definitely. Do that and then repost or resend to some of the people that you care about. Just the ones who will care for the fact that you cared. The others might think it stupid and overbearing on your part. Let them hopefully receive this from some one they trust - it will be more effective then. Well I don't know - I am sharing it out with them all anyways.

Go on listen to it now. Don't let the music in the middle fool you - there is more towards the end.

Cheers

Hookah

My friends and I went to this Sheesha place in Bangalore. It was a long time wish of mine to try it out and even though we did not manage to get into the snazzy looking joint - we made it to a nice parlor right next to it and had ourselves a nice time.

No sadly this gal was not with us - it was just a bunch of us guys puffing away at the Hookah. It was the second time I was trying this thing out but the first time I was choking on the damn thing because of the stuff going on in my head - not a pleasant memory. This time I was able to relish it properly. And how did I feel? Well the expression on the chick's face says it all.

I have never smoked so I won't be able to give any comparison but it seemed like having a couple of pegs of whiskey. The feeling was the good feeling you get when you are just about right in the drinking department. You have had just enough and its time to sit back and relax. Just that in this case there was no heavy feeling I usually get with drinking. Nor was there a fear of overdoing it. It was all cool. This and a couple of friends with you for company and you can have a really good time.