The gates are open. The same gates through which I once dreamed of passing through. The halls I wished I could roam. Now they beckon me and I stand paralyzed. Life has a funny way indeed.
I have always asked from life and been refused. I wanted the best and was given the second best. Mind you, it was always commensurate with the effort that I put in. And when the sheen had gone and I had given up hope, it would present itself. The question is how I receive it once it finally comes to me. These objects of my desire. They come to me, or should I say, life gives them to me only when I give up trying.
What is the lesson here? Or is this all merely chance? I don't think I am wise enough to know yet but I will trudge on. There is hope that all that which is refused to me now, will one day come calling and I shall stand judging whether it is still worth my time. Gives me a sense of power this. But I know from my experience, however insignificant, that this too is a test, one I must pass carefully and with humility. If all that I have asked and all that I will ask is to eventually bow down to me, then I better make sure I ask for the right things and keep my peace till they finally break under my persuasions. And in the end I remain with a notion that all this too perhaps mean nothing more than illusions.
But I have hope. Hope and my stubbornness.
I shall win this one too.
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